aster

i got this in the ol' email today from a french guy (friend of a friend)

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[+] Hello My name is j--- and I would like to get my
ass spaink by you. Would you help me.

Please. My ass
is very hard and ferm, it is very small and yummy. how
is your ass. can I lick it. i am an ass man as you can
tell. My fury lays in my inspiration. our sexe my
creation. maby someday i will be standing right next
to you on the side walk And not even know how you are.
until then have a nice day, May your ass be well.
j xxx

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i thought he was kidding. so i wrote back, as a dirty joke:

j--- baby,

don't be coy, honey. i know who you are...that guy from the ---- -- -----.
come to my house tonight. i'll punish you nice. i'm gonna tie you up, bend
you over my knee like a pup and smack you real good till your ass cheeks
burn and your balls tingle. yeah, i'll beat you, hurt you, bruise you, whip
you, fuck you, juice you and squeeze you. your ass will be mine.

miss
meow

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turns out he wasn't kidding. ooops. he replied with a short message and his phone number 2 seconds later. AND i got chastised by my friend:

He thinks you're totally serious. You should have seen
the focus on his face when he wrote that reply. Like a
soccer player about to score on a penalty shot. He's
just a simple french so and so. Don't toy with his
emotions, or do.

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i am always taking things a little too far.