my sister's wedding, and the accompanying showers, and the innumerable family barbeques, are thankfully over.
but not without some drama.
on the night before the wedding, the first bridemaid, christine, comes down with food poisoning around 10pm. my sister and i are on our way to the hotel for the pre-wedding slumber party when we hear the news.
"christine's not coming! we didn't like her anyway!" we chortle, and drive off to meet the maid of honor at the hotel. we guzzle a bottle of "lonesome charlie" (pink fruity wine thing...essentially girl hooch), watch an hour of buffy, and drop into bed.
3am: the maid of honor, jess, is immobilized by a sudden kidney infection. we hobble down to the lobby to wait for her mom to take her to the emerg where she'll probably have to get in line behind a bunch of drunken jocks, post-brawl. "i'm going to miss my best friend's wedding!!" she sobs. her mom's a slow driver, so by the time she arrives, it's 3:45.
4am: i retreat into the hotel bathroom, lock the door, and nervously inhale half a bag of cheezies and chew my nails to pieces, completely destroying my manicure and wondering what's coming for ME. i try hard to remember what the maid of honor is supposed to do, in case i have to take over. something about a ring...and passing it over a bible...
8am: my sister wakes up from a deep, sleeping-pill induced sleep, notices that everyone is gone, and says, "oh, it wasn't a dream? FUCK!" she starts making calls. "i have no maid of honor!!!" "so are you saying that if she's stoned on vicodin, she can't legally sign the register?" "no, my sister is still here, she's avoiding pointy objects and steep stairs..."
we decide that the maid of honor can be duct-taped to the altar if need be. poor jess returns from the hospital around 8:30 looking like hell, in time to be whisked off to the hairdressers. "i have drugs," she says. "let's go." in two hours, we're still sleepless, but beautified. it's all good after that.
but not without some drama.
on the night before the wedding, the first bridemaid, christine, comes down with food poisoning around 10pm. my sister and i are on our way to the hotel for the pre-wedding slumber party when we hear the news.
"christine's not coming! we didn't like her anyway!" we chortle, and drive off to meet the maid of honor at the hotel. we guzzle a bottle of "lonesome charlie" (pink fruity wine thing...essentially girl hooch), watch an hour of buffy, and drop into bed.
3am: the maid of honor, jess, is immobilized by a sudden kidney infection. we hobble down to the lobby to wait for her mom to take her to the emerg where she'll probably have to get in line behind a bunch of drunken jocks, post-brawl. "i'm going to miss my best friend's wedding!!" she sobs. her mom's a slow driver, so by the time she arrives, it's 3:45.
4am: i retreat into the hotel bathroom, lock the door, and nervously inhale half a bag of cheezies and chew my nails to pieces, completely destroying my manicure and wondering what's coming for ME. i try hard to remember what the maid of honor is supposed to do, in case i have to take over. something about a ring...and passing it over a bible...
8am: my sister wakes up from a deep, sleeping-pill induced sleep, notices that everyone is gone, and says, "oh, it wasn't a dream? FUCK!" she starts making calls. "i have no maid of honor!!!" "so are you saying that if she's stoned on vicodin, she can't legally sign the register?" "no, my sister is still here, she's avoiding pointy objects and steep stairs..."
we decide that the maid of honor can be duct-taped to the altar if need be. poor jess returns from the hospital around 8:30 looking like hell, in time to be whisked off to the hairdressers. "i have drugs," she says. "let's go." in two hours, we're still sleepless, but beautified. it's all good after that.
a *smooch* for you