My last update was a bit mental. It all happened like that and I would like to share the entire experience but it's a bit long and it's just typical getting having a good time type shit which you don't need to hear about. I'm going to go all serious on you instead for a bit.
I'm at a weird place. I'm resolutely single at the moment and I'm enjoying myself with it. I like having the whole relationship bit like everybody else - Like most people I like my cuddles and my hugging and the feel of a girl but I've got that with my fuck buddy so I don't necessarily need it in a love you forever i'll be yours for life type way. I haven't met anybody in my life that I could say 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' and I'm not actively looking for it. My biggest fear in life would be to meet somebody that I promise this to and then deciding five/ ten years down the line saying 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you' which happens very easily. By this time I could have commited to them by buying a house together, living together and even children because I'm well capable of that as I can be a very passionate person... but I'm in my twenties... it's the only time where I'll have the type of freedom where i don't have to worry about long term commitment quite yet.
So for now it's fun all the way. I've also realised that the best times I've had going out and stuff is the times when I haven't planned it. For instance I used to do the whole taking drugs/ going to club/ dancing, getting fucked, pulling the odd girl, going to get stoned and chilling in somebodies house type thing. But it's predictable. it's a bit dull really. I would rather not know exactly where I'm going, where I am or what I'm going to do next. Like I want to say 'fuck this, lets go to europe and see what happens' because these are the times i remember the most. Though it's a bit difficult to go all out in that because I want a career and money as well. i want to work, be able to write for something i really enjoy and become a proper well rounded adult. It's difficult but I try to do it in between if you know what I mean.
I don't really know anybody who thinks quite in this type of way. A lot of my friends and people I meet are very sure that they want to do the traditional idea of what society seems acceptable. I don't. I'm going to die at some point so in between that I don't want to have any regrets about what I have done or who I've been with. I also don't want to be in debt up to my eyeballs - use my credit card, fuck off around the world hell with the consequences. I want it all really. I just want as much happiness as I can get in my short time span here without being a smack addict or something like that.
No regrets. I'm going to try anyway.
I'm at a weird place. I'm resolutely single at the moment and I'm enjoying myself with it. I like having the whole relationship bit like everybody else - Like most people I like my cuddles and my hugging and the feel of a girl but I've got that with my fuck buddy so I don't necessarily need it in a love you forever i'll be yours for life type way. I haven't met anybody in my life that I could say 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' and I'm not actively looking for it. My biggest fear in life would be to meet somebody that I promise this to and then deciding five/ ten years down the line saying 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you' which happens very easily. By this time I could have commited to them by buying a house together, living together and even children because I'm well capable of that as I can be a very passionate person... but I'm in my twenties... it's the only time where I'll have the type of freedom where i don't have to worry about long term commitment quite yet.
So for now it's fun all the way. I've also realised that the best times I've had going out and stuff is the times when I haven't planned it. For instance I used to do the whole taking drugs/ going to club/ dancing, getting fucked, pulling the odd girl, going to get stoned and chilling in somebodies house type thing. But it's predictable. it's a bit dull really. I would rather not know exactly where I'm going, where I am or what I'm going to do next. Like I want to say 'fuck this, lets go to europe and see what happens' because these are the times i remember the most. Though it's a bit difficult to go all out in that because I want a career and money as well. i want to work, be able to write for something i really enjoy and become a proper well rounded adult. It's difficult but I try to do it in between if you know what I mean.
I don't really know anybody who thinks quite in this type of way. A lot of my friends and people I meet are very sure that they want to do the traditional idea of what society seems acceptable. I don't. I'm going to die at some point so in between that I don't want to have any regrets about what I have done or who I've been with. I also don't want to be in debt up to my eyeballs - use my credit card, fuck off around the world hell with the consequences. I want it all really. I just want as much happiness as I can get in my short time span here without being a smack addict or something like that.
No regrets. I'm going to try anyway.