ashleyrenae

so today i slept in on accident again, but while i was covering my face with my pillow and my mind somewhere between wondering what it would be like to be able to fly and abruptly getting shot down from the sky i realized something. I realised that i could vaguely hear my neighbors next door arguing. The odd thing is that my first reaction, was that i thought it was my parents downstairs and i was just going to try to go back to sleep. That is a little fucked up. Firstly, i did stay with my parents for two months two summers ago but aside from that, i have been out of their home since may 2005. And you know what, i did this on multiple occasions since those neighbors moved in. Its just crazy. I did notice something about this though. All those years when things were really bad, I was just using it as white noise to my various escape routines (reading, art, or sleeping). This actually makes be feel stupid, since i hadn't caught on to this until now. It also makes me feel bad for upsetting my sisters all those years for "not caring". They would be all upset and bawling their eyes out and id just be sitting there drawing an elephant wearing a funny hat or something. Oh well, whats done is done. Now I know something more about myself....

The real trick is going to be actually doing something with this Self discovery.