ashiee

Im going to start recording stuff soon. and by that, i mean recording on something other than a shitty computer mic. <3 slammmmmm

Everything has changed
I notice every day
Last night I noticed I no longer even
sleep the same damn way...


why?


I think unintentionally my mind and heart are trying to vanquish..
all the memories that keep me from my sleep, my appetite to eat,
fuck, all these memories plauge my mind so bad for a while I even lost my
appetite to live.

and I dont like that
I dont like that pain

but then maybe again, I do.
because things have gotten to the point
that I dont even feel a razor blade upon my wrist
and when you slice something through your skin
till the only thing you see is red
well damnit, you should feel something, wouldn't ya think anyways..

now, i only feel the emptyness, longing, the hurt, the tears stream down my face
but hey, atleast its feeling something right?

but im going to try to re-learn the passion back into my life,
my lifeline doesn't end here, not yet.
cause if it does, well i would have been long gone by now.
To hell with all this, this self submission to hell
you sent me here but for some reason maybe im wanting to linger.

I wish I could hate you, not love you, your poison.
being angry is the only thing that keeps me from crying,
but unfortunatley i love you too much for that, to hate you.

Ive said the same thing to myself to my soul a million fucking times
I gotta get over it.. IM GOING TO FUCKING MOVE ON.....

and then with the slightest thing as hearing your name..

I trip, i fall hard, i relapse.



enjoy that one. It makes me feel alot of nostalgia for a past relationship when I read it. Damn wasting almost a year of my life on him. As of lately more and more, I find myself falling back into the dominate female attraction state of mind, not like my mind ever left it, I was just always alot less likely to act. But whatever....
(I DO WHAT I WAAAAAANNT) <~~ yells in drunken tone! on to the thing of the day! My new haircut! Dying it uber red and then black will fuck it up alot. so I said byebye to my long locks and now I have,



^^^Im in <3 with it. Im going to get it all uber healthy again so I can grow it back out. but I think its cute as all hell right now. woo. maybe this would be a good time to go back to wanting dreads.




end convo
/ashiee out]