ashie

Things have been interesting lately... being ignored is no fun at all.. It hurts.. but I guess when someone ignores you.. that is their intention.. to hurt you ...

Today was a good day to start out with.. the first good day Ive had in a while.... the first sober day Ive had in a while.. I went out for lunch with my best friend.. We've been distant lately.. and today was our catchup day.. It made me smile.. Hopefully its a glimpse of what 2005 is going to bring.. I also got a haircut.. which is teh hotness I think..

Im also contemplating going to the doctor.. when my schizo/depression kicks in.. which it has the past 3 months.. I tend to do very stupid fucked up things.. and even hurt the people I love.. I dont do it intentionally... I guess I just get into a whirlwind of tied up emotions I dont know what to do.. I lost someone I didn't love.. but I was well on my way to loving.. and Im not sure why.. .. but whatever I did.. Im sorry.. I punish myself everyday. Anyways.. Im going to the doctor to get on medication.. its going to make me a zombie.. but id rather be a zombie than keep hurting people.. I feel really alone today.. well except for the kitten sitting on my lap..


Time to go be girly.. and take a bubble bath..