Recently life has been a personal roller coaster for me, I switched from hard booz to cans of beer, fallen in love with another man, whom I shall never be able to have. My fiancé is always attempting to win me back. I've been soul searching and talking so much on this one single subject I want to just scream! Scream, drink, and be alone. But my poor fiancé is suffering from severe whiplash with me; two months ago I flew off the "straight and narrow" leaving him in the emotional dust. Stomped on his heart, and he still fogives me and wants to move forward with me. What a man :) I swear I might be bi-polar, or depressed I'm not sure which it is.
My "wild child" wants to be crazy and carefree with this other guy, but he was removed himself from my reach, I have fallen for him. Do I tell him that?
My calm, rational side will always belong to my fiancé, who has always been there, a constant in my life.
How do I decide what is right for me? I've gone as far as telling my fiancé that I need my own space, but that concept isn't sticking. He can't understand, if I love him, why would I want to separate myself from him, even for a short while.
Meanwhile this other guy is fun, crazy, handsome, unreliable. He purposefully removed himself from my reach, to give my fiancé and I a chance to work things out. He has stated that "his door is always open to me" if things do not work out with me and the fiancé.
And so my roller coaster continues..... Scream.