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ashca2000s

20 miles outside of Ottawa IL

Member Since 2014

Followers 79 Following 94

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Need Advice/Support On My Reality Rant......

May 20, 2014
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Got hurt at work and have a lumbar strain/workmens comp to deal with. I've been in a lot of physical pain and work related stress. Trying to find another job in this little town, not many fish in this swimming pool. Been okay with my fiancé. Meanwhile I've been involved with another guy (mutual agreement with my fiancé)...... My biggest issue.... this other guy has offered me a chance to go away with him, get out and see and do more.... to live and experience things. Here's the killer..... I am actually considering his offer, for no other reason than to go experience the world, instead of spending the rest of my life here in a rural little town. I am happy, content, committed to my fiancé and yet?

Need a bit of advice/conversation about this one. There is no rush to make the choice and the second guy is not being pushy, only offering me the chance. As he said "he is an adult and can handle the word no, without being angry at all."

I grew up very sheltered and conservative until I was about 18, never went many places, was not allowed to date. Sure I have traveled and done some things but they were always under the protection of my parents or trusted friends etc. I fell in love with my fiancé 5 years ago, moved in with him and have essentially been living as a married couple. Work, pay bills, take care of the house..... and I have zero regrets about any of my choices..... yet I continue to have a sense of loss within myself which I can not identify, like a huge chunk of life's jigsaw puzzle pieces are still all jumbled while others fit perfectly, with no bumps or bruises, seamless. I love commitment, hard work, getting my hands dirty, learning new things (work and play).......... Still after five years of a happy, successful relationship, plus the real potential for getting married This Year....... Why do I feel as if I am missing out on something? I admit full heartedly that I would Still have this feeling, even if this second man had not become my lover.

My first Giant Leap into the Unknown was when I left my parents to live with my fiancé...... I walked away from everything, gave up everything, I've never looked back. I still have my family bonds/connections.... they still love me and give support the best way they can.

Any feedback would be appreciated very much.

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