ash67

My mind is so fucking reeling. So much bullshit with work, my house, my family that it just takes a hold of me and I just feel like screaming. But I guess its all a part of learning to make it on your own. On top of things, I just sent a message that was kinda just to the point with no bell in whistles to a person that was one of the closest people in my life up to a bullshit argument we had two years ago. She was my best friend and the on person I could always tell everything to with out facing judgement, only questions to better understand. That was until she started seeing this guy.

All relationships change people and we tend to become like those we are closest to, but I didn't like the change he made in her. And the day the so far unending silence came, it fucking broke my heart. My heart is still breaking over it.

So, I basically just said that if she wanted to talk to me, I was leaving it up to her. I would really like to talk to her again, since she seems to have come back to the person she was. It won't ever be exactly the same, because we've both changed so much. Maybe it'll be better. I don't know, but I still harbor love for the good person that I know lives inside of her. I guess I've been thinking of her because of all the bad going on and our talks. Plus its her 19th birthday on the 13th. I hope she will write me or call me. She doesn't my heart will still be broken, but I get it. I said and handled things in ways I souldn't have. But that's just how I am sometimes. I'm a person that puts up armor. I hurt others so I won't get hurt first. I have been so many times, I don't catch when I make that defensive play until its too late.

But do wish me the best. I've felt so lonely with all my friends moving so far away to college and other people just being so busy with their lives, it would be good to call upon that old voice once again.