ash

I hate to complain to you guys, I really. do. But just this once, please???

Thank you guys that wished me a happy bday, HELL, I didnt even mention it yesterday and some of you remembered. That means a lot, and I am not just saying that. I will now tell you why I hate birthdays.

My sister called me yesterday and I dont usually talk to her, we are like night and day and we basically hate each other most of the time. I said "hey whats up?" MEANING ... "why are u calling me?" lol. and she says "I am wishing u a happy BIRTHDAY!!" and I just kinda chuclked.

"Devin ... you know I dont celebrate my bday or even make a big deal abt it. "

and she says "but ... WHY??"

"Well ... Im not turning 18 or 21, lol... so its just another day. I really dont care abt it much. "

and she says to me "ashlie, yes you do."

and under any other circumstances I would just ignore anything she said because she doesnt know shit abt shit ... but I stopped and really thought abt it ... and yeah ... I DO CARE ABT IT. Its just that NO ONE ELSE cares abt it enough to even call me, so I just pretend that I have no birthday, that way, when no one calls or cares, I dont get upset.

Now ... this isnt some kind of "woe is me" plea, because its just not. and since I am a psyche student I am smart enough to say that maybe subconsciously it is and I dont know it ... but whatever the fuck it is ... I dont care.
Everything in this world was put into perspective for me yesterday. My "friends" are not my friends, and some of my aquaintences are really friends that I have overlooked and feel horribly abt it. What really did it for me, I mean REALLY did it for me ... was this ..

I called my childhood best friend that I have known for, christ 16 YEARS NOW, longest Ive eve known anyone. And she didnt call me on my bday, and she usually calls like, super early so she can be the first one, and she didnt. So I called HER, to see if everything was allright and got this:

"HOLY CRAP ASHLIE, DONT U SEE THAT ITS BEFORE 9:00 AND YOU'RE USING UP ALL MY CELL PHONE MINUTES!!?? CHRIST!!"

Now I would have cried ... but Im not a crier, so I merely imagined myself crying. I thought "well ... maybe she'll call after 9". she did not.

But on the other hand ... someone I just met like a week ago on SG did something very special for me. Sent me a card and a very thoughtful gift, I was just blown away. Some ppl in this world are just so fucking awesome you cant even put it into words. He is the only reason I had a good bday, not because of the card or the gift ... but because he gave me hope that there are still some decent fucking ppl in this world. His name is fdnymedic I suggest you go befriend him before your bdays, lol. Kudos to you, my homie. You just made a friend for life.