ash

I can't even believe what's going on. I'm actually quite a bit in shock as I write this. My man *just* found work after seeking it for over 8 months. He found a job 3 weeks ago, worked 2 weeks, and was laid off yesterday along with 39 other recruited ppl because the agency who hired them "over-hired". They chose the ppl to lay off at random, NOT based on performance.

For the first time in almost a year I felt like things were going to get back to "normal", whatever the hell that means, as if I've ever had a life like that. And *why* they couldn't have done this a few weeks later, maybe .. I dunno ... AFTER my sons birthday is beyond me.

I don't even know what to feel yet. I'm so full of rage and confusion and fear of what's to come, all mixed up with all kinds of other related feelings, goddamnit I could just PUKE.

I felt so great that this year we would have an amazing party for my son, along with getting him some awesome stuff, and best of all .. I didn't *need* anyone else to make it happen. I was happy that for the first time in 7 years I could actually buy my husband a fucking xmas present! Well, I guess if he finds work soon the xmas thing could still work.

And then I realized yesterday ... that the journals I posted before my last one had the WRONG WISH LIST posted for my son, ugh. That was *my* wishlist from a long time ago, his real wishlist is posted now. If you could HELP (there's that word I freakin hate again) please take a look at it, there are some cheap things on there.

I'm sorry, but today ... I'm just not myself. I can't think of any questions to ask. Except maybe "why?"