ash

Well ... what can I say? We all have our defense mechanisms, some healthy, some not. I have both. Its hard to concentrate right now on anything but feeling so ... incomplete. I dont wanna do shit lately .. and to be honest, I havent done a damn thing. Laundry & dishes pile up, mail piles up, I dont wanna move ... absolutely nothing gets done anymore. I hope I snap out of it soon. I didnt go home for the first week after Will left, and when I did it was like torture. Everything at home reminds me of him, so I left again. I'm staying with my best friend and shes been wonderful.

I keep sitting down here, wanting to go thru and reply to my messages ... but my mood is never in the right place to do that. Right now, I dont feel like Ash , it's like I feel traces of Ash but a substantial part of my soul is . I miss all of you, and I genuinely *want* to reply to all of you .. but not when Im like this. I feel like I'm just not focused enough on positive energy to enable me to make even a halfway decent reply to your journals. I feel selfish for not being able to bring myself to do it just yet ... and I feel like a million yrs have passed since I've been in contact with any of my friends here. All I can say is ... Im sorry. I miss u guys. I just need some time to re gather my inner mental badassedness.

**Trivia question for you guys**

Who was the first Chicago sg?