I feel a little better now, and a little worse in a way.
I spoke on with my recent ex-girlfriend Amanda today and vented a great deal of my frustration with her. Of course, she's angry with me now.
See, immediately after Amanda and I seperated she started seeing another guy. A guy that I worried she might have had an interested in for some time. The discussion came up several times, and each time Amanda reassured me that she in fact did not have feelings for this person and I was the only love in her life. I was angry because her actions of late showed that I was not off the mark, and she had lied to me. When we first met five or so years ago, I had told her that she should always be honest with me about matters in which her heart was straying. A previous serious girlfriend had cheated on me and it was a terrible wound. I wanted to know so that I could assess the relationship accordingly. Amanda lied to me at least a couple of times, and I was angered by this, she violated a very important promise that she had made to me. I know she did that because at the time she wasn't certain about what it was that she wanted, and she would rather lie than lose me, knowing full well that I would have made plans to move on without her. Instead, she tried to make the relationship more serious, perhaps to make it so that I wouldn't leave so readily if I had committed, or perhaps to try and get rid of her straying feelings.
I explained to her, rather calmly, that this hurt me that she lied and led me on when she knew that I would have at the very least hedged my bets some. Then, I explained her that I felt her pleas for a continued friendship were disingenuous when she is seeing someone new 24-48 hours after we decide to go our own ways. I suppose that I might be old fashioned or excessively chivalric, but I feel that when a couple end a serious relationship, they give about a month in respect to that relationship and their partner, especially when things end amicably. I asked Amanda to imagine our positions were shifted, and she was grew upset (not angry, but sorta sorrowful) at that. At this time I don't know that a friendship will work as I can't help but feel disrespected, but I feel much better now to have gotten that off of my chest.
Was it right for me to do this? I was respectful to Amanda and wanted to explain how her actions hurt me and could hurt other people if repeated. Was it wrong and self-serving?
I spoke on with my recent ex-girlfriend Amanda today and vented a great deal of my frustration with her. Of course, she's angry with me now.
See, immediately after Amanda and I seperated she started seeing another guy. A guy that I worried she might have had an interested in for some time. The discussion came up several times, and each time Amanda reassured me that she in fact did not have feelings for this person and I was the only love in her life. I was angry because her actions of late showed that I was not off the mark, and she had lied to me. When we first met five or so years ago, I had told her that she should always be honest with me about matters in which her heart was straying. A previous serious girlfriend had cheated on me and it was a terrible wound. I wanted to know so that I could assess the relationship accordingly. Amanda lied to me at least a couple of times, and I was angered by this, she violated a very important promise that she had made to me. I know she did that because at the time she wasn't certain about what it was that she wanted, and she would rather lie than lose me, knowing full well that I would have made plans to move on without her. Instead, she tried to make the relationship more serious, perhaps to make it so that I wouldn't leave so readily if I had committed, or perhaps to try and get rid of her straying feelings.
I explained to her, rather calmly, that this hurt me that she lied and led me on when she knew that I would have at the very least hedged my bets some. Then, I explained her that I felt her pleas for a continued friendship were disingenuous when she is seeing someone new 24-48 hours after we decide to go our own ways. I suppose that I might be old fashioned or excessively chivalric, but I feel that when a couple end a serious relationship, they give about a month in respect to that relationship and their partner, especially when things end amicably. I asked Amanda to imagine our positions were shifted, and she was grew upset (not angry, but sorta sorrowful) at that. At this time I don't know that a friendship will work as I can't help but feel disrespected, but I feel much better now to have gotten that off of my chest.
Was it right for me to do this? I was respectful to Amanda and wanted to explain how her actions hurt me and could hurt other people if repeated. Was it wrong and self-serving?