artslut

:::::sigh::::::



I have been hangin out with me ex and trying to patch the past and maybe trying to start again, so far its been great and tonight we made plans to hang out in her room and watch tv since we both were tired from working a long day from work. Her friend calls, whom she talks so much shit about and how much her friend makes her feel like shit and it pisses me off that she won't bring it to her attention and above that she is sooooooooooo self absorbed and annoying as hell, and while danielle and i are watching the television she invites herself over. Danielle couldn't just tell her on the phone that she has already made plans to watch tv with me. No, she ignores the fact that i don't like being around her and the plans we had made, and it doesnt matter how mundane they might be, they were plans. she always kicks me out when she's got plans with her friends so why not give me the same respect. it hurts to think that danielle might just be using me as a crutch for the loneliness she might be feeling and im here feeling more and more for her. its crazy how she can just kick my feelings around like that, fuck! so, i let her be..

im so confused and hurt. i cant understand how she can just easily take me off shelf and put me back up and when shes found something better. just the other day she told me she started to have feelings for me again, i dont get it.

my kitten just jumped on my shoulder and started to lick my nose, this cat is amazing. every time im feeling down she always comes through to make me feel better. as pathetic that it might sound shes the only one that always comes through for me.

I should just let danielle go, as much its goin hurt i think itll be the best for me. she obviously doesn't feel for me the way im hoping for and i cant get over her, i should just let it go altogether. I think my move to long beach will be the best for me, im goin to be hundreds of miles away from her.

Im saying that I want to cut danielle off altogether, but i want to know how danielle feels about me and keep hangin with her, even though I feel like im her crutch.

i think i might be that blind.

i hate the fact that how good danielle can make me feel. I wish she could just be a cold hearted bitch to me so i can get over her easier. though tonight she came pretty close to being one.

i just dont know about her anymore......




:::::update::::::::


GAH!!!!! im sick of this, i promise no more depressing rants, and all smiles. this shit needs to end. i need to go out and stay away from her..i cant cave in and hang out with her because i will start to fall again and be vulnerable. enough of that i need to put up my dukes and fight this.

im goin to try.







i think herotozero and i should go out for a drink.


and to top this off i just accidently shut the door on my kittens tail!!!!!!! god im feeling the lowest of the lowest at the moment.