artslut

Don't you ever feel like you want to crumble up your past like a story written on a peice of paper and forget about it and start a new one? I do, but my problem is I don't know where to start.


Im reading a book by Kurt Vonnegut called the "Cat's Cradle." He introduces a belief called Bokonism throughout the book and there are different elements of the beleif.I call it a beleif or philosophy if you will, because I beleive religion all together is built upon nothing but shameless lies, no offense to those of you have a religion, it's just my take on it. Although any kind of beleif can be called a religion. One element of this beleif is called the karas , bokonists beleive that god has organized humanity into teams, teams to do gods will without ever discovering what they are doing. "If you find your life tangled up with somebody else's life for no very logical reasons, that person may be a member of your karas " I havent found a member of my karas. What If im the only member, what a fuckin lame life, eh?

He also expalins that "Man created the checkerboard: God created the karas. By that it means that a karas ignores national, institutional, occupational, familial, and class boundaries." what a beautiful thought, though it never may be that way.

I was talking with this girl who I met of the internet and while we were talking on the net I never really felt like we connected very well. She was basically my escape from hurt from my ex. Though i thought she and I could be friends (my ex), but I would still have feelings for her if we still saw each other. I can't have it just dwindle down, I just need to cut it off. I'm just that kind of person, I can't ignore my feelings because they burn to much inside and that fire just grows and I just need to kill it all together. By doing this I need to forget about her completly. So one night I called Danielle (my ex) to see if she wanted to do anything and she just wanted to stay home, sometimes I think her excuses for not spending time with me are like a broken record, it just skips and plays the same song and never ends, so I just took the needle off the record.

(don't worry danielle, your getting your shit and your money back)

I called netgirl (thats her name for now on) to see if she wanted to do something and she invited me to a bar. I already had some preconceaved notions that it would end up really lame, but I was wrong and at the end I was right. When I arrived her friends were there to and we hit it off great, so great in fact that we left her friends to be by ourselves. We watched a movie, played some pool, and ended the night at park talking and I took her home and had one of the greatest kisses eva. I talked to her last night and she said that she was going to call me tonight, no phone call.

True friends are so hard to come by. I don't beleive I have a true friend, except maybe for one. But not one of those who automatically knows how you are feeling without saying a word. I never had a connection like that, I just know about these connections from the way I hear people talk about them.

I just want to disconnect myself, though I already feel disconnected. well not really, I still have some demons inside me that need to go away. I want complete independence in my life. The way I plan to do this is going to school and finding a job that I love and give the finger to those who have put me down mentally. those, i mean my mother and legal gaurdian aka step father from hell. while they do a job they hate so they can make their money to buy there ego boosting luxuries and I'll be the happiest man alive.

well, to sum this rant up: i need some friends.
I'm beggining to believe that everyone dies all by him/herself.




Oh, a sleeping drunkard

Up in Central park,

And a lion-hunter

In the jungle dark,

And a Chinese dentist,

And a British queen-

All fit together

In the same machine.

Nice, nice, very nice;

Nice, nice, very nice;

Nice, nice, very nice-

So many different people

In the same device.