well, lets see... what has happened to me in the past week or so.
I got laid, twice. The first person actually got my mind of danielle, well it was this girl and a shit load of alcohol. I forgot about her for about lets say a total of five hours(her as in my ex), give or take a few. The second time it was with danielle (my ex). it was fuckin great, and it brought back so much emotion. god, i can't say how much i need her back. we're trying to be friends and its so fuckin hard just to be "friends". I want to make her happy, but I get to damn emotional and it really fucks me over because I show it and it brings her down. Im not the kind of person who can hide what they're feeling. when im fuckin pist, i look fuckin pist, and when im fuckin depressed, i look fuckin depressed. sorry, but i can't help it. and when im depressed i can't see fuckin daisies!!!
it's kind of funny, at work a couple of nights ago I was calling danielle all day long and I was freakin out because her phone was busy for about 6 hours. I got so down and thinking about how it feels like to die, and I came to the conclusion that it would be beautiful, it would be like falling into a big black void and all your worries and pains would just melt away. life and death would be two completly different......uuummm.... identities (im not sure if this is the word im looking for). its kinda hard to believe that there's an end, i mean were do you go? so, life and death are so completly apart, and yet are so bonded close together. Death would be like life yet fucked up some drugs, everything just........goes away. and life on the other hand is nothing but ups and downs, mostly downs. maybe because if you have to many ups, you wouldn't be able to appreciate the ups, god im fuckin cheesy. so maybe thats why people get fucked up, to forget. yet there reminded the next day with a big fuckin headache. i went of a huge tangent, what my point was, was that when i was down at work my co-worker asked me if i was going to kill myself. im not.
This whole rut that i have been stuck in and just making it deeper, feels like dejavue. When i was in high school I encountered my first love. she cheated on me after about a year of being together. right after I found out that my first love cheated on me I found out that my grandma had ovarian cancer and that really made my forget about her (my ex), my grandmother fought the cancer.now, my second love has departed and i found out right after that my grandma may have lung cancer. So, in a really fucked up way, my grandma has bee the relief to my most hard break ups. one pain to the next.
For any of you who are reading this, this is like two days of journal entries. When I was writing this I couldnt finish it so I saved it and did not enter it.
I called Danielle last night and I started to cry, again. I told her what I had on my mind. I think on of the reasons why we fought was because we never really told each other what bothered one an other and it just snow balled (sp?). When I told her this, I think maybe she understood what I was saying. She came over and we had a really nice night playing with my kitten and we fell asleep on my bed. I woke up and I saw her sleeping and it was the most beautiful sites Ive ever seen. It reminded me one of the many reason why I want her back so badly. After we woke up we had an other kitten fun filled morning. I felt like cooking and I made a kick ass lunch for both of us. We both ate it and watched a portion of One flew over the cuckoos nest and I took her to work and here I am, missing her.
Reasons why I miss Danielle
-I miss her smile
-I miss her laugh
-I miss her beautiful eyes
-I miss her cute nose and how she scrunches it when she wants to sneeze.
-I miss her lips
-I miss kissing her
-I miss how when Im feeling down she would hold my hand and would make me feel better, well any physical contact with her just makes me feel good.
-I miss hugging her
-I miss kissing her every morning when we woke up with each other
-I miss when im feeling down she would do anything to try to make me laugh
-I miss how she doesnt really care what people think of her, she does her own thing she doesnt really do anything to impress, she is just herself.
-I miss how she would try to pick my nose and try to stick her finger in my mouth, hehe.
-I miss her because she taught me that there are more important things in life than trying to be successful, like being happy
*she makes me happy
-I miss playing slug bug with her and having her kick my ass every single time we play
-I miss hugging her when she feels down and knowing that Im making her happy, and I will do more so in the future, if we get back together.
-I miss her little dance when she gets excited about something.
-I miss the noises she makes when we have sex.
-I miss her smile when I knock on her door and when she answers it.
-I miss her when she gets upset with me and she scrunches her little face and raises her fist, its fuckin adorable.
-I miss spooning her in bed
-I miss being spooned in bed.
-I miss making her laugh.
-I miss going out shopping with her
-I miss seeing her eat
-I miss taking showers with her
-I miss her hands, theyre the softest pair of hands I have ever felt.
-I miss holding her hands
-I miss having her hands on face
-I miss looking at her hands are
-I miss having her head on my chest when are lying in bed.
-I miss her skin
-I miss her hair
-I miss her bangs
-I miss how we used to talk about having children what their names would be and what they would look like.
-I miss when she sees something cute she says aaaww, I love it.
-I miss going food shopping with her
-I miss how when she used to call me on my cell phone while I was at work and leave a message saying how much she misses and me and that she loves me
-I miss her terribly.
I got laid, twice. The first person actually got my mind of danielle, well it was this girl and a shit load of alcohol. I forgot about her for about lets say a total of five hours(her as in my ex), give or take a few. The second time it was with danielle (my ex). it was fuckin great, and it brought back so much emotion. god, i can't say how much i need her back. we're trying to be friends and its so fuckin hard just to be "friends". I want to make her happy, but I get to damn emotional and it really fucks me over because I show it and it brings her down. Im not the kind of person who can hide what they're feeling. when im fuckin pist, i look fuckin pist, and when im fuckin depressed, i look fuckin depressed. sorry, but i can't help it. and when im depressed i can't see fuckin daisies!!!
it's kind of funny, at work a couple of nights ago I was calling danielle all day long and I was freakin out because her phone was busy for about 6 hours. I got so down and thinking about how it feels like to die, and I came to the conclusion that it would be beautiful, it would be like falling into a big black void and all your worries and pains would just melt away. life and death would be two completly different......uuummm.... identities (im not sure if this is the word im looking for). its kinda hard to believe that there's an end, i mean were do you go? so, life and death are so completly apart, and yet are so bonded close together. Death would be like life yet fucked up some drugs, everything just........goes away. and life on the other hand is nothing but ups and downs, mostly downs. maybe because if you have to many ups, you wouldn't be able to appreciate the ups, god im fuckin cheesy. so maybe thats why people get fucked up, to forget. yet there reminded the next day with a big fuckin headache. i went of a huge tangent, what my point was, was that when i was down at work my co-worker asked me if i was going to kill myself. im not.
This whole rut that i have been stuck in and just making it deeper, feels like dejavue. When i was in high school I encountered my first love. she cheated on me after about a year of being together. right after I found out that my first love cheated on me I found out that my grandma had ovarian cancer and that really made my forget about her (my ex), my grandmother fought the cancer.now, my second love has departed and i found out right after that my grandma may have lung cancer. So, in a really fucked up way, my grandma has bee the relief to my most hard break ups. one pain to the next.
For any of you who are reading this, this is like two days of journal entries. When I was writing this I couldnt finish it so I saved it and did not enter it.
I called Danielle last night and I started to cry, again. I told her what I had on my mind. I think on of the reasons why we fought was because we never really told each other what bothered one an other and it just snow balled (sp?). When I told her this, I think maybe she understood what I was saying. She came over and we had a really nice night playing with my kitten and we fell asleep on my bed. I woke up and I saw her sleeping and it was the most beautiful sites Ive ever seen. It reminded me one of the many reason why I want her back so badly. After we woke up we had an other kitten fun filled morning. I felt like cooking and I made a kick ass lunch for both of us. We both ate it and watched a portion of One flew over the cuckoos nest and I took her to work and here I am, missing her.
Reasons why I miss Danielle
-I miss her smile
-I miss her laugh
-I miss her beautiful eyes
-I miss her cute nose and how she scrunches it when she wants to sneeze.
-I miss her lips
-I miss kissing her
-I miss how when Im feeling down she would hold my hand and would make me feel better, well any physical contact with her just makes me feel good.
-I miss hugging her
-I miss kissing her every morning when we woke up with each other
-I miss when im feeling down she would do anything to try to make me laugh
-I miss how she doesnt really care what people think of her, she does her own thing she doesnt really do anything to impress, she is just herself.
-I miss how she would try to pick my nose and try to stick her finger in my mouth, hehe.
-I miss her because she taught me that there are more important things in life than trying to be successful, like being happy
*she makes me happy
-I miss playing slug bug with her and having her kick my ass every single time we play
-I miss hugging her when she feels down and knowing that Im making her happy, and I will do more so in the future, if we get back together.
-I miss her little dance when she gets excited about something.
-I miss the noises she makes when we have sex.
-I miss her smile when I knock on her door and when she answers it.
-I miss her when she gets upset with me and she scrunches her little face and raises her fist, its fuckin adorable.
-I miss spooning her in bed
-I miss being spooned in bed.
-I miss making her laugh.
-I miss going out shopping with her
-I miss seeing her eat
-I miss taking showers with her
-I miss her hands, theyre the softest pair of hands I have ever felt.
-I miss holding her hands
-I miss having her hands on face
-I miss looking at her hands are
-I miss having her head on my chest when are lying in bed.
-I miss her skin
-I miss her hair
-I miss her bangs
-I miss how we used to talk about having children what their names would be and what they would look like.
-I miss when she sees something cute she says aaaww, I love it.
-I miss going food shopping with her
-I miss how when she used to call me on my cell phone while I was at work and leave a message saying how much she misses and me and that she loves me
-I miss her terribly.
1. It is usually permanent. If, like in my case, its not...
2. It sucks and hurts like hell to be brought back to life...
3. Not me, but other people have been seriously fucked up for the rest of their lives physically or mentally from near death, death or circumstances surrounding the incident leading to death or surviving death...
so even though you said you aren't planning to, think about what you say and really make sure what you think about because you might bring undue energy around yourself that you just don't need in your life. Kinda like provoking a Murphy Law thing or jinxing shit. So knock on wood.