Wednesday Aug 11, 2004

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I spoke to my ex-girl through aol im and we started to go into this new guy makes her happy and it really made me feel like shit, it hasn't even been 2 weeks since we broke up! She gave me so much shit about how I never loved her. That really makes me wonder, she says she did it to get me off her mind, I really think that was a cop-out, what ever. I fuckin love her so much but I really don't agree how she is running her life and that bugs the hell out of me. when someone can't change to get rid of their problems that is causing them constant anguish. I think maybe people get comfortable in that zone and they don't any other way of life.

when I found about this guy is when i read it in her journal and it fucking stings like hell when she speaks of her phone escapades and makes remarks on how she needs to get laid by him...
im sorry but this is a fuckin huge slap in the face. All I wanted from her was one damn thing, to get herself a better job and to get herself out of that house! To make herself god damn happy! and she isn't. I guess you can't help people who won't help themselves.

thinking about that last comment just really turns me off and makes me realize the truth. It gives me a reason to want to forget about her.

I know i've treated her like shit in the past, but it was mostly about me giving her shit about the way she is running her life. i left in and out of her life and I do know she loved me in the past and I really did hurt her feelings. it tears me apart how made her felt. I think about how I could've gone about it a different way, I don't know. I treid to get through to her for about five months and still doesn't have a better job.

My whole life was consumed by her and now that don't have anyone, I really don't have anyone to talk to. Danielle made me type in my frustrations into my journal and here i am, sorry this is basically my diary because im too lazy to get a pencil and a book.


"who needs a drink"........


thanks fedona smile
fedora_:
Okay, you obviously care for her a lot. Now its only been two weeks and she is with someone new and that is probably a whole rebound thing. See, most women and I am guilty of this in the past need a vice to replace vice before moving from one to the other so he was already established or she was thinking of him before she jumped ship. That doesn't mean every chick has to have a guy to dump a guy, it just means that every woman out there has things set up in her head and has a "nest" all planned before she jumps so trust me it has been more than just two weeks for her. Now I know that is going to sting like a son of a bitch but it is 99.9% the truth. The good of it is that she is that much closer to the finish line with him. She isn't going to keep him and it isn't going to last. She is likely using him to hurt you, fill a need for herself temporarily, or waiting for the next step in her mind. She might not realize it yet even. Now, the steps you need to do is to define for yourself what your love is. I am a person who believes that if you truly l-o-v-e someone that you can't turn it on or off it is something that stays with you forever. That is if it is really love. I am sure you know your heart. Your soul being torn apart, your agony of the past, your acknowledgement of things gone wrong, your desire for her happiness... all point to things I would view as love. The sting of her with the other guy, maybe love and pride. The next thing you need to do is to define for yourself if you want to put that love into the closet and learn to love her from a distance and love a memory, in other words; move on and survive or if you want to work for her. If it is the latter of the two, then you need to seriously make her listen to you. She needs to pull her head out of her ass, hear that you love her, hear that you acknowledge mistakes, hear that you want to make an action plan to work things out and she needs to make the same changes in her life for you if she loves you. If she is willing then do it, if not then you need to live with loving a memory and get someone who you can be open, honest and loving with. Learn from your mistakes and be strong. You deserve better. She deserves better. You both need to learn that and expect that. I hope this helps you. I have been thru this and at least 3 times a week I have to take a big spoonful of my own medicine and shit and it works for the most part. Remember it takes 2. Don't let her rule you.

BTW thanks for your advice too. I saw dear ole dad and set out an action plan for him. We'll see what he has in store for me or himself. I am just taking baby steps.

Big hug out to you. smile

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