Okay - I'm having a hard time coping with something, and maybe someone can give me some insight.
There was a time, not so long ago, when my monthly income wasn't enough to buy a latt at Starbucks, or pay rent in a halfway house.
During that time, I had a social life I enjoyed, I lived relatively comfortably, and I was surrounded by people I loved and adored (and still do, despite seeing them less).
SOBE Courage isn't all that good... just took a sip, it distracted me.
Anyways - Now, I'm making a lot more than I was (around the median income in Canada... which is to say, I'm at no risk of going hungry, and a big screen LCD TV is within reach), but really - my social life has gone to shit, and I'm far less happy than I was.
It's no wonder people get greedy - there's always something just about within reach - first it's enough cash to get hammered every weekend... then it's enough for that cool car or bike... then it's enough for that sweet little condo in the trendy neighborhood... then it's the house with the white picket fence, the dog, and the 2.5 kinds... after that, it's pretty much done. If you skip over that, and keep the condo - it moves up to the sports car, the club membership, the mansion, the jet, and so on - each thing promising to make you happier, and each thing just pointing towards the next goal that might do the trick.
When really, living poor around a bunch of good people is far more satisfying.
So here's my resolution - not my new years, not my 2005, my "rest of my life resolution".
I actually came up with this a while ago, but now I'm declaring it.
I'm not aspiring to move on and up. I want a stable place, inexpensive to live, and a way to get around. A way to communicate, and people to communicate with.
I'm thinking about buying a condo - a stable base of operations for life ongoing. Something small, and comfortable. Big enough to have 2 or 3 friends over for a movie, small enough you don't have to yell at anyone on the other side of the house.
I'm lost.
I certainly want things - but I recognize that they're not important, and they're not going to make me happy. I've known this all along, but I'm just starting to recognize it.
So my focus?
Stuff that makes life stable.
Car (to see friends, get to work, and travel)
Home (place to sleep, recover from drinking binges, fornicate, eat, and relax)
Communicaiton Tool (Phone, Computer)
Way to survive (Job, Computer)
Entertainment, Comfort, Support (giving and receiving) (TV, DVD Player, Friends, Family)
Food, Clothing, Eyewear, Medication if needed.
beyond that, it's all meaningless.
I have all of those things, except the home (renting doesn't count), so the home is the goal - and then new goals shall arise that no longer have anything to do with material goods, beyond the occasional maintainance and forced upgrade.
Travel. Meeting new people. Reading new books. Seeing new things. Learning new things.
So I have an idea - not a plan, not a direction, but an idea.
I also have a time frame - one way or another, it has to get done, so I can move on with just living.
There was a time, not so long ago, when my monthly income wasn't enough to buy a latt at Starbucks, or pay rent in a halfway house.
During that time, I had a social life I enjoyed, I lived relatively comfortably, and I was surrounded by people I loved and adored (and still do, despite seeing them less).
SOBE Courage isn't all that good... just took a sip, it distracted me.
Anyways - Now, I'm making a lot more than I was (around the median income in Canada... which is to say, I'm at no risk of going hungry, and a big screen LCD TV is within reach), but really - my social life has gone to shit, and I'm far less happy than I was.
It's no wonder people get greedy - there's always something just about within reach - first it's enough cash to get hammered every weekend... then it's enough for that cool car or bike... then it's enough for that sweet little condo in the trendy neighborhood... then it's the house with the white picket fence, the dog, and the 2.5 kinds... after that, it's pretty much done. If you skip over that, and keep the condo - it moves up to the sports car, the club membership, the mansion, the jet, and so on - each thing promising to make you happier, and each thing just pointing towards the next goal that might do the trick.
When really, living poor around a bunch of good people is far more satisfying.
So here's my resolution - not my new years, not my 2005, my "rest of my life resolution".
I actually came up with this a while ago, but now I'm declaring it.
I'm not aspiring to move on and up. I want a stable place, inexpensive to live, and a way to get around. A way to communicate, and people to communicate with.
I'm thinking about buying a condo - a stable base of operations for life ongoing. Something small, and comfortable. Big enough to have 2 or 3 friends over for a movie, small enough you don't have to yell at anyone on the other side of the house.
I'm lost.
I certainly want things - but I recognize that they're not important, and they're not going to make me happy. I've known this all along, but I'm just starting to recognize it.
So my focus?
Stuff that makes life stable.
Car (to see friends, get to work, and travel)
Home (place to sleep, recover from drinking binges, fornicate, eat, and relax)
Communicaiton Tool (Phone, Computer)
Way to survive (Job, Computer)
Entertainment, Comfort, Support (giving and receiving) (TV, DVD Player, Friends, Family)
Food, Clothing, Eyewear, Medication if needed.
beyond that, it's all meaningless.
I have all of those things, except the home (renting doesn't count), so the home is the goal - and then new goals shall arise that no longer have anything to do with material goods, beyond the occasional maintainance and forced upgrade.
Travel. Meeting new people. Reading new books. Seeing new things. Learning new things.
So I have an idea - not a plan, not a direction, but an idea.
I also have a time frame - one way or another, it has to get done, so I can move on with just living.