artsitis

I lust.

I don`t know why I do, but I do.

It makes me do irrational things, and behave badly towards my responsibilities in life.

In the end... there`s no point in pursuit of that lust - I mean, what have I to gain but more of the same.

Is there some innate satisfaction waiting in NOT getting what I want?

Probably not.

If but I could find a way to fit it into the life I now live, as I know it... I could persue...

But with too much invested, too much to lose...

Sometimes, it`s really, really hard to choose - and even harder to know if the choice was right.

Of course, there`s always the old standby, convincing oneself that it`s for the best, for everyone... but I`ve never been good at that game. The best for everyone is when the most people are happy.

I haven`t been happy for a couple years (in general... there have certainly been happy moments in the past couple years)

So the dilemma.

If I persue what I actually want, I could lose everything I have.

But if I keep what I have, and I`m not happy - is any of it worth having?

And would I, could I possibly be happier elsewhere...

The things you think about when you wake up far too early *lol* help!