every time cindy writes to me she has this incredible ability to pull things out of me with just one little innocous question. she writes....
"so do you love christmas?
my life is very strange. all the things that have happened to me so far have led me to exactly right where I am. one of the sadnesses in my life is that my parents were divorced when I was 10. I have two sisters aged 7 and 3 at the time who were then split from me. they lived with my mom in california while my dad and I moved to pennsylvania. my dad is a working musician just like his father and his father before him. I'm actually the first sibling to not make music a profession. my family was actually mad at me when I decided to pursue a career in business.
musicians don't make very much money and so things like food, clothes, toys, and stuff like that were scarce in my fathers home. goes without saying that a home without a mother or much in the way of cash flow leads to pretty spartian living. so, christmas never came with all the trappings... a tree, yes. some presents yes, but rarely a christmas dinner, and scant few decorations around the house.
at age 18 I left my fathers house and loaded all my belongings into the back of an old Ford Pinto station wagon that I bought for $300 and struck out for new jersey to seek my fortune. new jersey didn't work out so I borrowed every dollar I could find and went to PSU. financed the entire thing on student loans. after I left for NJ, my father moved back to california to seek his fortune as a studio musician. imagine my surprise when I found the dorm where I was living as a freshman CLOSES over christmas break and I had nowhere to live. fortunately a friend let me stay in his frat room while he went home for the break. so that became my college life. live in the dorm while in school, beg borrow and steal living quarters from anyone I could over the holidays and spend the time alone in an empty house while everyone else was with family.
finally graduated, moved to CT, started work with $750 in my pocket, no car, no friends, left my college sweetheart behind, no idea what I would do next. again.. tree, holiday meals with family, presents... not so much.
finally discovered my future as an investment advisor, got married, got some things going in my life. my now ex wife though never cut the apron strings and we spent every holiday with her parents - who never really cared for me very much (since I still had musician blood in me), and drank a lot. not what I would call a loving home. again, christmas not so much how I imagined it.
got divorced, met a new girl who also spent every holiday with her parents (and I wasn't invited becuase I had a son and was married once before. that makes me damaged goods I guess). come to find also that during the 4 years that we spent together she used her time away on the holidays to cheat on me while I spent my time curled up in a ball under the christmas tree, broken hearted. finally grew the balls to leave her.
now I have a beautiful historic house in the city. one of my sisters now lives only a 3 hour drive from me. I've been using the last year or 2 to reconnect with her and it turns out she really needs her big brother these days. This last chrismas I got the biggest tree I could fit in my house, put the Polar Express on tracks around the tree at the base, tastefully and artistically decorated every corner of my home, painted every wall that needed painting, filled the house with presents, made a huge christmas dinner, and my sister came with her daughter, her friend, , my son was here...
and for the first time I can remember since I was a little boy, scared and just 10 years old, my home was full of family for christmas. best christmas present anyone has ever given me. best christmas I have ever had. forgive me for a minute, but tears are running down my face as I type this.
but yes, I believe christmas means a lot to me.
"so do you love christmas?
my life is very strange. all the things that have happened to me so far have led me to exactly right where I am. one of the sadnesses in my life is that my parents were divorced when I was 10. I have two sisters aged 7 and 3 at the time who were then split from me. they lived with my mom in california while my dad and I moved to pennsylvania. my dad is a working musician just like his father and his father before him. I'm actually the first sibling to not make music a profession. my family was actually mad at me when I decided to pursue a career in business.
musicians don't make very much money and so things like food, clothes, toys, and stuff like that were scarce in my fathers home. goes without saying that a home without a mother or much in the way of cash flow leads to pretty spartian living. so, christmas never came with all the trappings... a tree, yes. some presents yes, but rarely a christmas dinner, and scant few decorations around the house.
at age 18 I left my fathers house and loaded all my belongings into the back of an old Ford Pinto station wagon that I bought for $300 and struck out for new jersey to seek my fortune. new jersey didn't work out so I borrowed every dollar I could find and went to PSU. financed the entire thing on student loans. after I left for NJ, my father moved back to california to seek his fortune as a studio musician. imagine my surprise when I found the dorm where I was living as a freshman CLOSES over christmas break and I had nowhere to live. fortunately a friend let me stay in his frat room while he went home for the break. so that became my college life. live in the dorm while in school, beg borrow and steal living quarters from anyone I could over the holidays and spend the time alone in an empty house while everyone else was with family.
finally graduated, moved to CT, started work with $750 in my pocket, no car, no friends, left my college sweetheart behind, no idea what I would do next. again.. tree, holiday meals with family, presents... not so much.
finally discovered my future as an investment advisor, got married, got some things going in my life. my now ex wife though never cut the apron strings and we spent every holiday with her parents - who never really cared for me very much (since I still had musician blood in me), and drank a lot. not what I would call a loving home. again, christmas not so much how I imagined it.
got divorced, met a new girl who also spent every holiday with her parents (and I wasn't invited becuase I had a son and was married once before. that makes me damaged goods I guess). come to find also that during the 4 years that we spent together she used her time away on the holidays to cheat on me while I spent my time curled up in a ball under the christmas tree, broken hearted. finally grew the balls to leave her.
now I have a beautiful historic house in the city. one of my sisters now lives only a 3 hour drive from me. I've been using the last year or 2 to reconnect with her and it turns out she really needs her big brother these days. This last chrismas I got the biggest tree I could fit in my house, put the Polar Express on tracks around the tree at the base, tastefully and artistically decorated every corner of my home, painted every wall that needed painting, filled the house with presents, made a huge christmas dinner, and my sister came with her daughter, her friend, , my son was here...
and for the first time I can remember since I was a little boy, scared and just 10 years old, my home was full of family for christmas. best christmas present anyone has ever given me. best christmas I have ever had. forgive me for a minute, but tears are running down my face as I type this.
but yes, I believe christmas means a lot to me.