I used to be so great at fixing things, but now it seems like everything I do to try and make things better, crumbles apart.
Today was the worst day I've had in a long while.. I almost cut.. several times. I was either angry, or depressed and sometimes both..
I'm almost afraid I'm going to hurt someone I get so angry. I never used to show my feelings to everyone but now it seems like everyone can tell whether I'm pissed off or sad.. I exploded today, ripped apart one of our u-boats we used to stock with and started beating the boat with one of the handles we use to push them with.. nonstop. I don't know why I did it to begin with, I just kept swinging..
I swear this is the worst.. I just want everything to be the way they were before. When everything was okay...
I'm working so hard now that my hands are shaking violently.. They can't stop.. Only took a half hour lunch today. worked 9 hours.. It was busy as hell and all I wanted to do was kill everyone. Especially when they don't understand a word that comes out of my mouth. And/or makes a mess that I have to clean up.
I so need a release from everything. From everyone.. But I know that with the holidays coming up that will be impossible for me.. Oh yeah, my BITCH manager[not Daniel] asked me today "Do you HAVE to have next Saturday off?" YES I fucking need to have off or else I will go insane! I'm in desperate need of the Pointswest Show at the Grange. I need that release, a way for me to unwind and chill with great friends. And good music too..
Oh yeah.. Daniel had a talk with Sarah[the girl he loves] today. She doesn't want to be with him and he ultimately can't just be friends with her, so everything is over with them now, they won't ever speak again. To make it worse when Daniel left he told me words that infuriated me the most...
"Well, I probably won't see you tommorrow, in case I don't, Have a happy Thanksgiving, i know that I won't. I have nothing to be thankful for." Those words.. are forever burned into my memory. I hate Sarah for what's shes done to Daniel and she can't understand why.
Love.. I used to think love would be the most beautiful thing I could ever hope to find.. and now.. I don't ever wish to fall in love. Love is pain.
Today was the worst day I've had in a long while.. I almost cut.. several times. I was either angry, or depressed and sometimes both..
I'm almost afraid I'm going to hurt someone I get so angry. I never used to show my feelings to everyone but now it seems like everyone can tell whether I'm pissed off or sad.. I exploded today, ripped apart one of our u-boats we used to stock with and started beating the boat with one of the handles we use to push them with.. nonstop. I don't know why I did it to begin with, I just kept swinging..
I swear this is the worst.. I just want everything to be the way they were before. When everything was okay...
I'm working so hard now that my hands are shaking violently.. They can't stop.. Only took a half hour lunch today. worked 9 hours.. It was busy as hell and all I wanted to do was kill everyone. Especially when they don't understand a word that comes out of my mouth. And/or makes a mess that I have to clean up.
I so need a release from everything. From everyone.. But I know that with the holidays coming up that will be impossible for me.. Oh yeah, my BITCH manager[not Daniel] asked me today "Do you HAVE to have next Saturday off?" YES I fucking need to have off or else I will go insane! I'm in desperate need of the Pointswest Show at the Grange. I need that release, a way for me to unwind and chill with great friends. And good music too..
Oh yeah.. Daniel had a talk with Sarah[the girl he loves] today. She doesn't want to be with him and he ultimately can't just be friends with her, so everything is over with them now, they won't ever speak again. To make it worse when Daniel left he told me words that infuriated me the most...
"Well, I probably won't see you tommorrow, in case I don't, Have a happy Thanksgiving, i know that I won't. I have nothing to be thankful for." Those words.. are forever burned into my memory. I hate Sarah for what's shes done to Daniel and she can't understand why.
Love.. I used to think love would be the most beautiful thing I could ever hope to find.. and now.. I don't ever wish to fall in love. Love is pain.
anywayyouneedme:
you can beat me next time. love IS pain, you're right. anyways... I looked even hotter than AWK... and thanks a million for taping it for me. Now we HAVE to get together! 