Have you ever worked hard at something with one, two or three other people....and then come to the conclusion that the thing you were working on with them would just go much better if you started over without them? That the place you were trying to get to might be gotten to only by leaving their company?

That is where I'm at with my band. I play with two of my best freinds in the world...and I do it because what they and I sacrifice in similar musical backgrounds and directions, we make up for in just the comraderie of playing together. Playing with people you like...rules. On most days. But when you really want a sound to generate from this divergence of styles...and you don't get it. And your fucking drummer can't play the same thing twice in a row cause he's used to "jamming" and your bassist plays some funk shit over a driving melody...and your own voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard to yourself...it makes me want to fucking scream...choke some mother fuckers and AHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHH.

hmmmmm. I'm tired...I'm frustrated...and I'm cranky as shit. This will all pass in time...but I think there is too much shit to surmount in trying to make this band thing work other than a way for me to test some song ideas. I either have to start over...or quit all together...and both of those ideas are tough to swallow.

I'll give it a month and see where it goes. Maybe I'll end up eating my words.

On a little lighter note....I spent most of the last three days drunk as fuck.