arsis

Today I went to Circus Vargas with Johnny. It was cool, but also kind of a bummer, 'cause there were so few people in the audience! I guess all the best performers and all the audiences want Cirque du Soleil now? Or is it really just that no one can appreciate an old-timey circus anymore? Johnny and I got a real kick out of it though--we're just two kids in our mid-twenties anyway. I think that for both of us, sobriety is really facilitated by attitudes of childlike (vastly different from childish) exuberance and wonder. I bought a BIG red balloon for Johnny. I've always wanted to walk up to someone with a big red balloon, so that's one more item off my lifetime to-do list.
Seriously, he was standing outside smoking, and I walked up to him with a huge balloon and a grin to match, and just held it out to him. Just like in my strange little fantasies!
I think that I am finally recovering from this strange infatuation I have with Johnny. I mean, I've generally ceased to lust after him (I hope)--I am however developing a strong fraternal affection for him. I wish I could bring myself to be more casually physical with him, just so I could hug him and massage him, like I can comfortably do with my other guy friends. I don't know why he gives my head so much trouble. What a dick!
Beyond that, geez... Circus cats really turn me on. I love acrobats and jugglers, they're deadly sexy. Clowns too, can't leave out the clowns.