I’m a rational person.
I’m by far more logical than anything else. However, throughout my life people say I’m also compassionate. Though I protest that, I don’t feel compassionate. But I also hold an incredibly high regard to integrity. So perhaps my compassion holds a blind eye because I do the right things anyway.
However, some things I cannot rationalize. Some things are unexplained. Some things, no matter the evidence, no matter the history, no matter the effort or expense or investment just can’t be explained. We look at things like the pyramids, hedge stone, Easter Islands heads, space and the bottom of the ocean. We can break out science, mathematics, engineering, astrology, anthropology and even religion and politics and remain puzzled. The course of our lives is very similar….
I’m not a perfect person (sings in Hoobastank)…..
I have done both good and bad things in my life. Through trial, error, deliberate intent and accident. Why do bad things happen to good people? I’m not a fantastic, godly person. But I’m slime or gum under your shoe either. I’m just another guy getting by. Though my health is decent, and I am appreciative of that, unlike some who are not, I feel like I’m trailing behind in the great race of people my age, people younger, people older and overall in general.
I theorize and have put significant thought into it. I’m not spiritual or religious. But I have heard and listened and even studies the ideals of “destiny”. What is meant to be will be. In religious views everything is predestined, we have no choice, our choices were made like some prewritten novel and we’re the charters for others to observe and read, even though they have already been programmed to do that same. We’re just a written script for some outwardly being to watch his own play from afar. That is one concept.
I think a different thing however, and I’d love to see your input.
Maybe, just maybe. We are reincarnated. We carry a new vessel to this world, our “Soul” is the same soul over time. I don’t think I have a soul, but it’s the easiest way to explain. But I like to think the struggles of my current life are a debt that must be paid for a favor this current body knows nothing about. I can’t explain why I have done nothing but follow the rules for most of my adult life and have gone through so much shit for unexplained reasons. We lose jobs we were so good at? Why do people leave us for someone worse off for no reason? Why do we gain and lose money so quickly, despite how responsible we are with it? Why we dedicate ourselves to skills, trades, education, relationships and a plethora of other varieties of things we deem important and necessary for life, just to be left clueless and empty?
We are paying a debt we know nothing of the reward we received?
Was our life spared by an event we didn’t see or remember? Did we luck out on a job or home by some divine intervention that gave us stability for a time longer? Did we meet a love to teach us something about our self, or about a person that the cost comes to us at a price for later?
Point is….
I’m a good person. I’m law abiding, no criminal record of any kind, never even been to court on my own doing. I don’t do drugs of any kind, I’m going to university for a second time to do a job I’m good at and with a meaningful purpose bigger than myself. I donate to various charities as often as I can, I pay for other people’s groceries as they need to pay it forward, I’ve never placed my hands on a person who didn’t place theirs on me first. Never harmed an animal. I speak the truth but remain honest, sometimes the truth is more important than subject sensitivity. I paid my bills on time and offered a helping hand as needed.
Yet, I still find myself in situations I can’t understand. This is why I feel no matter how good a person many try to be, there is an unpaid debt in which we must paid, for what I know not the cost….