armsxlikexblades

Dear Santa,

I want a family.

Mine is dead.

has been for a long time.

Not even sure it ever existed.

beyond my imagination's ability to fabricate it and hold it together like so much scotch tape...

I have always been alone.

and I hate it.

So do me a favor and forget about all the stuff I asked for over the years that you never brought me.

I forgive you for that.

Really...I swear.

let's just start over from scratch?

Whadya say?

Buddy ol pal...

Yeah...I know it's been a long time since I've written but...someone told me a nasty rumor you did'nt exist and I actually belived it for awhile.

I'm sorry. I can't believe I doubted you.

Look, I'll even start leaving cookies and milk for you again if you simply do this one thing for me...

See I figure I got a few years of wishes on backorder with you...

so simply cross off the bike I wanted in '86...

and the GI JOES I wrote you about in '89...

And the miracle I asked for in '92.

and make me a man...

so that in a few years I can LEAD a family of my own...one that never has to contend with the shit mine has...

Because I just figured out...

That's all I've ever wanted....

but never knew to ask for...

and I've got some serious work to do in order to fill those shoes...

So...I have attached a list below of all the traits I'd like you to give me...

So that I can discern and choose the right kind of woman...

and I can be the husband...

and the father...

I want to be...

and yes...I'll accept motivational tapes and self help books as substitutes for some of them...

I know it's a tall order, but I figure it's the least you could do.

I mean...IT IS your fucking job right?

haha...just a joke man...seriously...hook a brotha up.

With love...(and cookies)

~AJ

Judgement
Courage
Enthusiasm
Endurance
Dependability
Patience
Tact
Unselfishness
Decisiveness
Humor
Knowledge
Strength
Gentleness
Kindness
Compassion (Empathy)
Sterness
Direction
Loyalty
Honesty
Genuiness
Fiscal Responsibility
MAD NINJA SKILLS

PS...while you're at it...you think I can get two more inches added to my taliwhaker? Hey it could'nt hurt right? Thanks again.