I guess this blog is a bit 'deeper' than what's in my usual blogs/comments and so on.
The last couple of years, my life took some strange directions. I felt like a healthy young man, on top of my possibilities. An awful lot to win in my life. I had a great job, worked as heard as possible, earned my fair share of money, had a nice social life, and so on. But ever since then, that was just a surface. As a matter of fact, my boss was a shithead. I didn't ever count for him (despite the title on my cards). I neglected my friends. I moved from here to there a few times. So apart from neglecting my friends, I didn't even realise I also lost most of them.
Did I work hard? Probably. I worked like a motor in overdrive, which burned completely out because my body overheated severely. It made me crash. It made me loose my appetite. It made my loose my job. And from one day at another, 2 years ago, I was an unemployed piece of shit, lacking the energy to do anything more than sitting on my couch. In my heart, I was still the same social young man, full of ambition, full of special powers. But everything I wanted to do, I couldn't anymore. I burned out. I lost my love to become an active photographer. I couldn't find the energy to keep in touch (more than superficially) with my family. I didn't have the energy to look out (in a way that could work out) for a job. I actually did take one job, but deep in my heart, it was another way of crashing myself again into the same wall.
These days, which started a few years ago, last until last summer. It was somewhere in august, when I realised that I had been wrong about myself. It was around that time I realised I'm not a lazy shithead, I'm not anti-social. And even though being an introvert always has been a part of me, I was burned out, and had to take my life into my own hands again. I guess those days were the first days of a new chapter. But I'm still at the very beginning. Not having a lot of energy, it's still daily business. I realised, about all my friends are gone by the time. Even though they are all great people, and I'm a great guy to. Good listener, great talker. Maybe a bit chaotic and weird for some people, but hey, that's me. But until a month ago, nobody (literally nobody) knew what was going on with me. There were some people who had seen some pieces of the puzzle which makes me. Some people saw other pieces of that puzzle. But as a whole? Nope... I guess that makes me a mystery to myself and to about everyone else. Hard to realise...
Taking my life into my hands, again, is about a slow process. That burnout caused me to be fired again in august. Probably for my own good. So I decided to make a career switch. That gives me some focus for now, and some new goals. (I couldn't take it to be rejected time after time, if I started looking for a new job again). Slowly I decided to create myself a new hobby. But I also realise that hobby could grow into a new trap, because I'm a bit scared I'm going to be too ambitious about it, and I don't want it to be another 'project' that makes me crash against another wall. And next to that, I decided to slowly rebuild my relationships with some of my dearest friends, I neglected for years. Even though I know it was hard for me to connect to people for years, I'm trying really hard to save some energy to be a good and loyal friend. I so hope it works out in a good way.
I don't really know why I'm writing this down in a blog post. (1) Because I can't keep that secret anymore, that I have been (and I am) in a burnout. It's a tricky disease, a dangerous state of mind. (2) Over here, I already met some other wacky, weird people. Great and beautiful in their own ways. All with their own flaws, but still shining like a diamond. <3 I k now I live in Europe, and a big part I'm here is because of your funny comments, the story of each one of you, and also because of your pretty bums :) And chances are small I'll meet a lot of people from here ever in real life. But hey, maybe if it will be just one beautiful girl, or guy, it's worth it. It just feels like the right thing to do, sharing what makes you and me feel happy/sad/inspired/horny or just having a nice time. (3) If anyone recognises him or her into my story, I hope it can be an encouragement not to stick into it. Open up! I will probably take an incredible amount of time to find back 'your meaning of life', or finding the energy to do what you want, but I'm sure it's worth it! (4) And most of all, to be honest, I can use an honest and sweet couple of words from time to time.
Love!
P.S. Couldn't figure out how to embed some catpower...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-omWlUVIA4
