arielcupcakes

EDIT: I took lots of hot pictures in an attempt to cheer myself up so go look at them or I'll castrate you.

In order for my assualt & malicious destruction of property charges, I'm going to a 90 day program. I want to thank everyone who's supported me & offered advice for my addiction. I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this to a group of complete strangers but I guess I'm hoping that after 6 monthes of keeping this to myself, expressing this to someone might do me some good. I'm trying to keep an open mind about an addiction treatment center that I predict will do me no good, but regardless of whether or not I get help, at least I won't face jail time where a bunch of dikes would eat me alive. That's not meant to be negative towards homo or bisexual males or females, but I've been to jails, have friends with jail experience, & a mother who worked in a jail & though I know I'd be safer there than in a prison, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid for my safety. My biggest concern is problems with transfering my prescriptions. I'm not so sure that the medical staff at this center will be quick to dole out opiates to treat the pain I suffer from endometriosis, seeing as how I've abused pain killers in the past & there's that little heroin problem. I forgot to mention how all this ties together. A few nights ago, Asher overdosed on heroin & I tried to revive him with CPR but with no luck & was forced to call 911. After he was released from the hospital he was charged with possession & distribution of narcotics & he can't get in contact with his parents to bail him out. He called me but my stepdad wouldn't accept the charges because he's protective of me & blames Asher for my addiction so I have no way of getting in contact with him. There's a 3 day period before I'll learn whether or not I'll be able to visit him & I might be in the program by then. I've had sleeping problems all my life, along with anxiety & depression & what I expect to be borderline personality disorder, none of which are currently being treated & I fear that I'll impulsively attempt to harm myself while in the program & never see him again. The day after he was hospitalized, I had an intake assessment for my previous charges & during that meeting, my drug problem was brought up & thankfully I was giving the option of completing the program & being put on probation upon completion of the program instead of being tried in court by the states attourney. I've been in programs like this 3 times before and recieved no benefit from any of them, but as I said I'd choose this over the legal consequences no matter what. I really don't know what I'm doing explaining all of this or what I think it's going to accomplish but I should probably stop trying to justify behavior that makes me uncomfortable because I know it's not wrong & it doesn't matter what other people's reactions will be. I don't know if I feel better or worse after writing all of this but at least it's out there & in 3 monthes when I'm back, I can look at this & hopefully see that I've changed. I'm not expecting that, but we'll see how it works out. I can't think of anything epic to close this with so I'm just going to stop typing & ... Yeah.