Ok... so
I have been in a funk as of late. I have so much to do, and very little motivation to do it.
I am a senoir in high school, I graduate in about 5 weeks, and I am not the least bit exited/scared/nervous/happy/distressed or any other emotion that would be appropriate for such a time in one's life. Instead, I am completely bored and basically just.... completely and utterly apathetic. It seems like most of my life is wasted in a state of apathy. And the worst thing is the list of things I have to do.
-Take a Physics Test tomorrow
- Take a hard Anatomy Test Friday
- Write a paper for my English class over the weekend
- Write a rough draft for my English exam over the weekend
- Finish and Practice a Hormone project skit that is due Monday
- Work about 20 hours in the next four days
- Actually work up the motivation to get out of bed in the morning to go to school for the remainder of the year
Yeah, I didn't go to school today, I slept mosty, and I did manage to write a Thank You letter to the donors of a scholarship that I received from Virginia Tech.
It probably sounds like I am not the best student in the world. Surprisingly, even though I lack motivation most of the time, I have above a 4.0 in school, and would be (if we actually had class rank) in the top 3 in my graduating class.
I don't make sense to myself. Ok, I have made it completely clear that I lack motivation. I usually have the "what's the fucking point?" attitude about things. Yet, I am constantly anxious, wanting to do something and find something that would spark my interest. I always think that I could be doing so much more with my life, but what? No one else's life seems particularly interesting. Maybe I'm just doomed to be discontented. Most people turn to drugs and alcohol when they start to feel like this, but I've tried that, and it's not particularly stimulating either.
What do you do when you've grown bored with everything and eveyone around you, even yourself? Hell, I'm especially bored with myself.
Will these feelings continue to stay with me throughout college also? I really hope not. Maybe I'll figure things out eventually, somehow.
Also, I have been feeling very inadequate. I look around at all the beautiful, interesting and just down right fascinating women on the site, and I am very intimidated. How am I supposed to compete with that? I know that questioning yourself is very un SG, but it's what I do.
I know I shouldn't compare myself to the other girls. But really, I'm not that special. No matter what, I always feel very plain.
Now, I'm not fishing for compliments. I just felt like venting a bit.
I'm tired of feeling emotionally void, I just don't know what to do about it.
I have been in a funk as of late. I have so much to do, and very little motivation to do it.
I am a senoir in high school, I graduate in about 5 weeks, and I am not the least bit exited/scared/nervous/happy/distressed or any other emotion that would be appropriate for such a time in one's life. Instead, I am completely bored and basically just.... completely and utterly apathetic. It seems like most of my life is wasted in a state of apathy. And the worst thing is the list of things I have to do.
-Take a Physics Test tomorrow
- Take a hard Anatomy Test Friday
- Write a paper for my English class over the weekend
- Write a rough draft for my English exam over the weekend
- Finish and Practice a Hormone project skit that is due Monday
- Work about 20 hours in the next four days
- Actually work up the motivation to get out of bed in the morning to go to school for the remainder of the year
Yeah, I didn't go to school today, I slept mosty, and I did manage to write a Thank You letter to the donors of a scholarship that I received from Virginia Tech.
It probably sounds like I am not the best student in the world. Surprisingly, even though I lack motivation most of the time, I have above a 4.0 in school, and would be (if we actually had class rank) in the top 3 in my graduating class.
I don't make sense to myself. Ok, I have made it completely clear that I lack motivation. I usually have the "what's the fucking point?" attitude about things. Yet, I am constantly anxious, wanting to do something and find something that would spark my interest. I always think that I could be doing so much more with my life, but what? No one else's life seems particularly interesting. Maybe I'm just doomed to be discontented. Most people turn to drugs and alcohol when they start to feel like this, but I've tried that, and it's not particularly stimulating either.
What do you do when you've grown bored with everything and eveyone around you, even yourself? Hell, I'm especially bored with myself.
Will these feelings continue to stay with me throughout college also? I really hope not. Maybe I'll figure things out eventually, somehow.
Also, I have been feeling very inadequate. I look around at all the beautiful, interesting and just down right fascinating women on the site, and I am very intimidated. How am I supposed to compete with that? I know that questioning yourself is very un SG, but it's what I do.
I know I shouldn't compare myself to the other girls. But really, I'm not that special. No matter what, I always feel very plain.
Now, I'm not fishing for compliments. I just felt like venting a bit.
I'm tired of feeling emotionally void, I just don't know what to do about it.
As for being bored... I tend to binge on things. I'll pick one thing and put all of my spare time into it simply because I get bored and I'm like "hey, I was doing that before and it occupied me so I'll just keep doing it." It works up untill you get so damn sick of it you cant stand to look at it anymore. Then it takes a while to find a new addiction.
Peace,
Andy