You take time out your time set aside to craft your next masterpiece to help out your boss who has nobody else to do this shit job.
Your boss goes on holiday, he tells you to phone his boss once you've completed the job.
You spend half an hour walking in the cold to do this shit job. Some twit sees you doing said shit job and asks you to do same shit job in her room. Because you've finished way before you're meant to you feel compelled, and because refusing would be downright shitty to do this good deed and proceed to do this shit job.
You spend half hour walking home. You spend another half hour allowing your joints to stiffen and relax. You call you boss' boss to tell them the great news.
The boss' boss want to know if you did the legs and backs as well.
You wish your boss was back from holiday and standing right in front of you without any way to protect himself.
Upshot: I've got to waste more time tomorrow doing someone else's job when I could have done it today.
If I didn't regard this cleaning nonsense as nonsense I might be compelled to kick, scream and bitch about being locked in a shit job. Instead I just pity the fools. I'm still winning.
(copy and pasting and saving this in notepad. I don't want to lose this entry so far.)
*****
"Not much of a threat are you?" - The Egg to me Sunday night.
The one thing a poker player does not want to hear at the table is his manhood being challenged. To have it challenged doing something manly, like fighting, is one thing. To have it challenged over CARDS is another matter entirely.
The Egg did this Sunday night.
There were two things one could do in this situation:
The first thing is to wait until you get a monster hand and seek to trap him like a cobra. Keep quiet, play your game and when the moment presents itself strike out and grab your dignity back. At a table of 5+ that may be the best tactic. If you have the chips at a table of 4 or less it is the great tactic to do.
If you have balls the size of appleseeds, that's the tactic you adopt.
But that's not my style (and I didn't have the chips for it, only 7,000 left from at starting stack of 20,000 and the blinds started to chafe.) So I went to plan B.
Tanking the fecking lot in at every opportunity.
You don't raise three times the big blind, you don't raise hoping to induce a call and trying to outplay him on the flop. You put your opponents to a decision for all your chips and test their manhood.
The first couple of times neither the Egg or the Hindu Cow called, not wishing to gamble at said time. The next couple of times they started moaning, wishing they had cards they could call with, Hindu sniping at the Egg for causing what had been a nice skillful game on their part to eveolve into a big dick-swinging battle for manhood and respect.
As they folded, my stack started building up. The next two times I raised with marginal hands (cards that you know are not winning but they're not dead). They folded. Then I noticed something.
The cocky air around Egg, the superior air around the Hindu Cow dissipated. Now the confrontational, in-yer-bollocks air of myself reigned. And they cowed to it.
I'd gone from shrinking firebrand seeking to survive in the game to total domination in the space of one comment.
And when you're dominant the poker gods will smile on you.
The Hindu Cow was dealt Kings and Aces twice in our heads-up. He only profited once from those hands, and that was because I folded from the small-blind.
The winning hand was a poetic one. I was dealt J-4 hearts, a garbage hand but a hand I'd been thinking about yesterday. Phil Hellmuth raised Steve Ledar on J-4. Ledar re-raised. Hellumth went all in and Ledar quickly called showing A-J. Although he had a decent chip lead, if Hellmuth lost the hand he'd have been hard pressed to win the game from there on out. Locked to a 4, the flop gave Hellmuth no help. Hellmuth stood up to congratulate Ledar on his play on the turn, which was no help. As they were shaking hands, Hellmuth hit his 4 on the river, beating Ledar. Luck, perhaps. But the poker gods like a dominant player.
So I raised 5,000 with the Hellmuth-Ledar hand. The Hindu Cow went all-in. Experience told me he had a pocket pair or an Ace. From his demeanour I guessed an ace. I should have mucked my hand before he finished saying 'in'.
However, it was only 6,000 to call. If I lost I still had chips to play with but against a rejuvenated Hindu it would have been hard. I then thought if I folded he'd be getting some swagger back. Then I thought about the Hellmuth-Ledar hand and the reaction was simple - call.
Sure enough he had A-6. My cards were live and although I broke my cardinal rule, never play weak Jacks, my hand was live.
Flop did nothing for nobody. I hit the Jack on the turn. River came blank.
"Unbelievable. This is your fault." The Hindu Cow to the Egg after the winning hand. He was upset with good reason.
The above picture is the latest ritual we've adopted. You can oh so close... BUT THIS IS AS CLOSE AS YOU'LL EVER GET!
And so this tale ends. Another ode to the beautiful game of poker.
God, I need another game of poker soon.
Who do you want to see dead in my next book? No celebs or dignitaries - because they just don't belong.
Nope
Your boss goes on holiday, he tells you to phone his boss once you've completed the job.
You spend half an hour walking in the cold to do this shit job. Some twit sees you doing said shit job and asks you to do same shit job in her room. Because you've finished way before you're meant to you feel compelled, and because refusing would be downright shitty to do this good deed and proceed to do this shit job.
You spend half hour walking home. You spend another half hour allowing your joints to stiffen and relax. You call you boss' boss to tell them the great news.
The boss' boss want to know if you did the legs and backs as well.
You wish your boss was back from holiday and standing right in front of you without any way to protect himself.
Upshot: I've got to waste more time tomorrow doing someone else's job when I could have done it today.
If I didn't regard this cleaning nonsense as nonsense I might be compelled to kick, scream and bitch about being locked in a shit job. Instead I just pity the fools. I'm still winning.
(copy and pasting and saving this in notepad. I don't want to lose this entry so far.)
*****
"Not much of a threat are you?" - The Egg to me Sunday night.
The one thing a poker player does not want to hear at the table is his manhood being challenged. To have it challenged doing something manly, like fighting, is one thing. To have it challenged over CARDS is another matter entirely.
The Egg did this Sunday night.
There were two things one could do in this situation:
The first thing is to wait until you get a monster hand and seek to trap him like a cobra. Keep quiet, play your game and when the moment presents itself strike out and grab your dignity back. At a table of 5+ that may be the best tactic. If you have the chips at a table of 4 or less it is the great tactic to do.
If you have balls the size of appleseeds, that's the tactic you adopt.
But that's not my style (and I didn't have the chips for it, only 7,000 left from at starting stack of 20,000 and the blinds started to chafe.) So I went to plan B.
Tanking the fecking lot in at every opportunity.
You don't raise three times the big blind, you don't raise hoping to induce a call and trying to outplay him on the flop. You put your opponents to a decision for all your chips and test their manhood.
The first couple of times neither the Egg or the Hindu Cow called, not wishing to gamble at said time. The next couple of times they started moaning, wishing they had cards they could call with, Hindu sniping at the Egg for causing what had been a nice skillful game on their part to eveolve into a big dick-swinging battle for manhood and respect.
As they folded, my stack started building up. The next two times I raised with marginal hands (cards that you know are not winning but they're not dead). They folded. Then I noticed something.
The cocky air around Egg, the superior air around the Hindu Cow dissipated. Now the confrontational, in-yer-bollocks air of myself reigned. And they cowed to it.
I'd gone from shrinking firebrand seeking to survive in the game to total domination in the space of one comment.
And when you're dominant the poker gods will smile on you.
The Hindu Cow was dealt Kings and Aces twice in our heads-up. He only profited once from those hands, and that was because I folded from the small-blind.
The winning hand was a poetic one. I was dealt J-4 hearts, a garbage hand but a hand I'd been thinking about yesterday. Phil Hellmuth raised Steve Ledar on J-4. Ledar re-raised. Hellumth went all in and Ledar quickly called showing A-J. Although he had a decent chip lead, if Hellmuth lost the hand he'd have been hard pressed to win the game from there on out. Locked to a 4, the flop gave Hellmuth no help. Hellmuth stood up to congratulate Ledar on his play on the turn, which was no help. As they were shaking hands, Hellmuth hit his 4 on the river, beating Ledar. Luck, perhaps. But the poker gods like a dominant player.
So I raised 5,000 with the Hellmuth-Ledar hand. The Hindu Cow went all-in. Experience told me he had a pocket pair or an Ace. From his demeanour I guessed an ace. I should have mucked my hand before he finished saying 'in'.
However, it was only 6,000 to call. If I lost I still had chips to play with but against a rejuvenated Hindu it would have been hard. I then thought if I folded he'd be getting some swagger back. Then I thought about the Hellmuth-Ledar hand and the reaction was simple - call.
Sure enough he had A-6. My cards were live and although I broke my cardinal rule, never play weak Jacks, my hand was live.
Flop did nothing for nobody. I hit the Jack on the turn. River came blank.
"Unbelievable. This is your fault." The Hindu Cow to the Egg after the winning hand. He was upset with good reason.
The above picture is the latest ritual we've adopted. You can oh so close... BUT THIS IS AS CLOSE AS YOU'LL EVER GET!
And so this tale ends. Another ode to the beautiful game of poker.
God, I need another game of poker soon.
Who do you want to see dead in my next book? No celebs or dignitaries - because they just don't belong.
Nope
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
skeneo:
thanks man but to me there are all the coolest
weirdomanson:
that songs about smoking, drinking and having no money.. good stuff.. hes a really cool country guy hes keeping the tradition alive.. none of that pop bullshit!