To celebrate finishing the 1st draft of my book I gave myself food poisoning and have spent the best part of the last few days trying to forget all the undigested food that thundered through me. It will be a very long time before I have rice and curried mince. It'll be even long before I have sushi also. Not that I ate sushi, it was tscrewing up the thawing of the frozen meal that 'did me in', but the whole idea of raw fish just makes my colon clench. Comes with spending 18 months working with worm-ridden cod and rotten haddocks.
See supermarket fish cakes and fish-fingers? The white comes from phosphorous. I should know because I helped put it there many moons back.
Um, I've spiralled off into a tangent. As usual.
What cracks? I've been getting paid to make schools stink. It's pretty cool. They fit woollen carpets but forget to close the skylight when it pisses down so we get called into to clean that mother and feck me does it stink. It's a real thrill. Well I found it to be and that's what counts.
As I traipse towards 30 I felt it would be a corking time to start keeping a book called 'Things to do before....' (the ellipsis because there's to point adding morbid nonsense to a book of fun.) Here are some excerpts:
2: With Egg, start a fight at a nudie bar (fuck splitting the atom, this would be a real achievement)
9: Meet Mr. T (because he rules)
14: Run through a busy street in a brown suit (like that dude in Munich when the girl answers the. It looked like fun. Mossad hit-squad optional)
26: Do the Jack Nicholson scene from The Departed (the porno theatre thing. Homework required for this one though. Don't want to point a black phallus at the wrong dude for many obvious reasons )
28: Be thrown off live TV with Egg (just because)
37: Go tub-thumping with Jack Straw (actually there's a better chance of getting Egg to a nudie bar that me going to Blackburn...)
45: Make a pimp-sized Starbar (like they do here. Starbars rule.)
Got 47 down so far, already done two which I didn't realise until now. So that's all good.
If you want to be thoroughly depressed go watch 'A Crude Awakening'. It's a documentary that I recommend you do not pay for because the thought of paying for something that will really make you miserable is never a wise investment. Life is short. Treat it as such.
Unless it comes to this here game --> Monkey Kick-Off Then invest your life in getting over 5000m and earning, yes earning, my admiration and jealously in equal measure. Or, if you're feeling creative, under 21m. If you nail either I want to see pictorial proof because I'm that anal about this subject.
Enough for now Usually I stick a pretty freaking cool music video here but this time I'm shoving a video here that has kept me in good humour through the past month. From the mindset that it pays to be loud, take it away Bill and Gerry:
Bless their socks...
See supermarket fish cakes and fish-fingers? The white comes from phosphorous. I should know because I helped put it there many moons back.
Um, I've spiralled off into a tangent. As usual.
What cracks? I've been getting paid to make schools stink. It's pretty cool. They fit woollen carpets but forget to close the skylight when it pisses down so we get called into to clean that mother and feck me does it stink. It's a real thrill. Well I found it to be and that's what counts.
As I traipse towards 30 I felt it would be a corking time to start keeping a book called 'Things to do before....' (the ellipsis because there's to point adding morbid nonsense to a book of fun.) Here are some excerpts:
2: With Egg, start a fight at a nudie bar (fuck splitting the atom, this would be a real achievement)
9: Meet Mr. T (because he rules)
14: Run through a busy street in a brown suit (like that dude in Munich when the girl answers the. It looked like fun. Mossad hit-squad optional)
26: Do the Jack Nicholson scene from The Departed (the porno theatre thing. Homework required for this one though. Don't want to point a black phallus at the wrong dude for many obvious reasons )
28: Be thrown off live TV with Egg (just because)
37: Go tub-thumping with Jack Straw (actually there's a better chance of getting Egg to a nudie bar that me going to Blackburn...)
45: Make a pimp-sized Starbar (like they do here. Starbars rule.)
Got 47 down so far, already done two which I didn't realise until now. So that's all good.
If you want to be thoroughly depressed go watch 'A Crude Awakening'. It's a documentary that I recommend you do not pay for because the thought of paying for something that will really make you miserable is never a wise investment. Life is short. Treat it as such.
Unless it comes to this here game --> Monkey Kick-Off Then invest your life in getting over 5000m and earning, yes earning, my admiration and jealously in equal measure. Or, if you're feeling creative, under 21m. If you nail either I want to see pictorial proof because I'm that anal about this subject.
Enough for now Usually I stick a pretty freaking cool music video here but this time I'm shoving a video here that has kept me in good humour through the past month. From the mindset that it pays to be loud, take it away Bill and Gerry:
Bless their socks...
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Do some research into the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (or mormonism) and while you're there, check out also Bob Jones University.
See how much these uber right winged conservative biblethumpers have invested eVERYWHER! You can't drive through a town without the first one owning some part of the land, and apartments and town. Not to mention that they are major shareholders in all of the major corporations.
Go see... it's disgusting. It's scary.