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argon

ankeny, ia

Member Since 2004

Followers 376 Following 74

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Tuesday Jun 21, 2005

Jun 21, 2005
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I'm not a terribly out going person. I like being around people, but many people annoy the heck out of me if i spend too much time with them. I imagine I annoy the bejeezus out of them as well. It makes it hard to meet new people. I assume the dont care for me; they assume I dont care for them... It just doesn't go very smoothly in most cases. It's frustrating to not be able to read people well, and I think I do an exceptionally poor job of conveying my intentions in the form of body language. Either that or I am increadibly transparent and am, in fact, bored with almost everyone I meet. I imagine it's a little of both. I have a theory to explain my social impairments. I think it all stems from not being able to see very well. I have perfect vision if i wear my glasses, but I dont care for wearing them much, and I didn't get them until I was 16. Up until that point, I was esentially blind to non-verbal comunication. Example A: I remember staring at blurred faces trying to decifer them. It was sort of that wierd ostrich phenomenal; if I couldn't see where their eyes were directed, they must not be able to see mine, therefore they won't know I'm staring at them. Example B: Childhood friends have told me that I was constantly staring at them with a blank/confused expression on my face during conversations leading them to belive they were doing something weird... Actually I just couldn't see them. Example C: I always that movie scenes in cars looked increadibly unrealistic because you could see the stuff in the back ground. When i rode in cars there was nothing but blurry color. Example D: This has nothing to do with why I dont seem to connect with people, but more as an aside about how it sucks to be blind. When I first got my glasses, I didn't blink for 3 days. I got aweful headaches because my eyeballs were drying out. I couldn't quit staring at everything. I never knew I was supposed to be able to see individual leaves on trees. I never knew i should be able to see the texture of the carpet as i walked. I was blown away when i realized i could see in other people's windows at night. I never realized that street signs should be readable from your car... I knew I couldn't see as well as other people, but I had NO IDEA what I was missing. And in conclusion, that is one explaination i tell my self for why I'm a little off. wink
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
caroline:
kiss kiss kiss
Jun 23, 2005
vinegarvalentine:
well, "signs should be readable from your car" unless you're driving in boston wink

i give your theroy much kudos, my walter is also vision impaired and never wore his glasses untill 16/17. he is very anti social. I too am truley anti social,
and that could stem form an eye related thing as well! I was born left haned but my grandmother forced me to write with the right (the left hand is the devil!) thus confusing the fuck out of my dominate eye, and all over cororidantion(i couldn't read untill third grade)It's like even with my most basic morter skills i had to hide who i was from my eldars to the point that there are two (perhaps three or four)cleaarly defined marys, the extroverted rock star, and the horribly self consoius, nervous and scarred intovert. ahh the worlds a stage.

am i annouying you? wink kiss skull
Jun 25, 2005

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