argon

I hate that sinking feeling in my stomach when I realize I am going to have to confront something deeply personal and painful. I fucking hate doing stupid shit and then justifying it because that's why i did it and then realizing how stupid it was and then thinking about it for a while not wanting to take the first sucky step, and then taking that step and it sucks more than you thought it would and then sticking it out trying to mend all the things you broke in the first 3 stages of the process, and then waiting for things to be right again, and then when you think all is going well, some dumb fucker throws a wrench in things again and all you can think is how you wish you weren't so dumb in the first place and all the while trying to find something positive in the whole situation to get you through on top of reminding yourself how that dumb thing you did totally wasn't worth it in order to remember to not do it again... Life is hard.