argo

It seems funny to me that in times of pain and personal suffering you tend to get a small piece of clarity. At least I do. I generally get reminded of how unimportant I am in the grand scheme of things. I mean someone else could do my job, someone else could satisfy and provide for my wife, someone else could provide for and rear my child. And probably do better at all of it. It may seem lame, but my current feelings of blah, stem from what has happened in chat this morning. Well not really THE events in chat as much as the parallel that can be draw to my actual life. I can't say that it was intentional, but I felt as though I was being treated as though I was a nuisance. I'm sure there are times that I can be and after all I am no more special than anyone else, but it kinda throws the ole equillibrium off when you face rejection and are shunned in the one place that you find solace. Yeah, I'm lame. It's not like I have or probably ever will meet anyone from this site, but it is about the only social interaction that I get with those other than my coworkers. This is due mostly to the schedule that I have to keep. Anyway, I guess I'm just a little down. My shoulder kinda quit functioning tonight and I had to come home from work, even though I can't afford it. Plus with this escalation in the pain and loss of mobility, I am probably faced with the prospect of surgery. Gettin cut on doesn't bother me as much as the fact that my, already behnd the curve income, will be further damaged! 99% of my friends are on opposing shifts/hours which is one of the reasons that I hide away in here. I've met some great people and they have pretty much functioned as my missing friends! BUT it seems my novelty has worn off for most of them. So I sit and stare at the screen whilst they move on... An exact parallel of real life. Well this is starting to get long and no one will probably read it anyway...

there will be no crush this blog... crushed, maybe, but that would be me.

Yeah I know I'm whining, just needed a little... fuck I don't know... attention...

anyway
Ed