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ardnazak

San Diego

Member Since 2005

Followers 24 Following 15

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Wednesday Sep 20, 2006

Sep 20, 2006
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Me

It comes to a point where we all complain about our jobs, vent a little and continue on our way. Whenever it becomes completely unbearable is when we make whatever adjustments are necessary to thrive or simply move on with life. As I reflect upon my day, and this is on a daily basis, where I find more negative things that dominate my life, my work life specially, over positive, and motivating experiences. If everyone complaints and moves on, am I stuck in an environment that nullifies any type of positivity? In that case, that would be true about my last three jobs, make that every single job I've had. Considering I am not alone in the work world, and that the odds of every single job being the worst experience of my life..well it basically comes down to me. It really does, why I didn't see this earlier is obviously due to my own negativity and ongoing depressed state.

I always hate asking myself this question, what am I going to do about it? It is so easy to wallow in my own pain, since it is the only emotion I am truly familiar with regularly. The frequency in which I am consumed by pain, whether emotional or simply physical is absolutely overwhelming. I just can't remember the last time my back wasn't throbbing in agonizing pain, or when my heart was shattered to pieces. My life isn't complex, yet why do my emotional problems feel like they have no solution at all? again..it's me. What exactly am I afraid of? every time I make an attempt to live a happier life, it feels like a farce. As if pain where my true life force, and happiness is a temporary high. Sure it feels nice, but it can't possibly last forever, and should I try to escape from the pain which is my reality.

Yet deep within myself, I feel there is something special and I shouldn't let it go to waste. I am compassionate and forgiving person. Why doesn't life share those same sympathies with me? Sometimes I wonder if I am being tested, if I need to prove myself worthy of happiness. During those times, I then feel unworthy since I haven't accomplished much in life. Without me the world would so suffer no great loss. Without me the world will keep spining, new lives will be conceived with a greater chance of prosperity. Without me there would be less mediocrity and hope.
fred:
Have you ever seen Office Space?
"Every day at work is worse than the day before, so everyday is the worst day of my life."
"Oh.. that's messed up"
You need a hypnotherapist to take care of the Lumbergs in your life.

Without you -- one less good-hearted geeky pretty girl who can speak four languages -- a great loss.
But you don't owe the world anything anyway, so don't even sweat it. It's not your duty to do anything other than what you really want. Don't let the man get you down. EL SUICIDO LOCO
Sep 20, 2006
fred:

Glad you're back! ooo aaa
Sep 25, 2006

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