The following is an exact transcript of my conversation with my building's "concierge" this morning, after returning from winter break in Connecticut:
Archer: Good morning. I was wondering... I've been expecting a package for a while now and it still hasn't showed up. Would you mind checking the mail room?
Concierge: Did you get a package slip in your mailbox?
A: No. (That's why I'm asking you to check the back, I thought.)
C: If you had a package you'd of gotten a slip. A blue one.
A: As the package was shipped from Minnesota weeks ago, I'm beginning to think that step was overlooked. So, if you could just check I'd appreciate it. (Edit: It was shipped on December 9th.)
C: But, you don't have a blue slip. It hasn't come.
A: Could you humor me and check, please.
C: Sir... you need to contact the post office and-
A: A package of the same origin was shipped on the same day to New Zealand, and it arrived last week. Present-thieving postage gnomes not withstanding, my guess is that my package is, in fact, sitting on a shelf less than ten feet behind you at this very moment -- it was simply overlooked. Now, my name is [ArcherNU], I live in apartment ND-4, and I'm running out of patience -- precious ones I'd hoped to stretch throughout the day. All I'm asking you to do is leave your newspaper for a moment and look, yet, for some reason unknown to myself and reason, you've spent more time trying to prove me wrong than it would have taken you to arrange a festive sculpture from the many boxes back there. Check for my package, please.
(The Concierge does so and, lo and behold...)
C: Your name? (I repeat myself.) Huh... There is a package for you. You have to-
A: Sign for it. Right.
Can you tell I'm a little frayed around the edges? Anyhow, that's the story of Archer's lost box of Awesome. I hope you at least got a smile out it.
Happy New Year.
Archer: Good morning. I was wondering... I've been expecting a package for a while now and it still hasn't showed up. Would you mind checking the mail room?
Concierge: Did you get a package slip in your mailbox?
A: No. (That's why I'm asking you to check the back, I thought.)
C: If you had a package you'd of gotten a slip. A blue one.
A: As the package was shipped from Minnesota weeks ago, I'm beginning to think that step was overlooked. So, if you could just check I'd appreciate it. (Edit: It was shipped on December 9th.)
C: But, you don't have a blue slip. It hasn't come.
A: Could you humor me and check, please.
C: Sir... you need to contact the post office and-
A: A package of the same origin was shipped on the same day to New Zealand, and it arrived last week. Present-thieving postage gnomes not withstanding, my guess is that my package is, in fact, sitting on a shelf less than ten feet behind you at this very moment -- it was simply overlooked. Now, my name is [ArcherNU], I live in apartment ND-4, and I'm running out of patience -- precious ones I'd hoped to stretch throughout the day. All I'm asking you to do is leave your newspaper for a moment and look, yet, for some reason unknown to myself and reason, you've spent more time trying to prove me wrong than it would have taken you to arrange a festive sculpture from the many boxes back there. Check for my package, please.
(The Concierge does so and, lo and behold...)
C: Your name? (I repeat myself.) Huh... There is a package for you. You have to-
A: Sign for it. Right.
Can you tell I'm a little frayed around the edges? Anyhow, that's the story of Archer's lost box of Awesome. I hope you at least got a smile out it.
Happy New Year.
velocity:
I'm glad you liked it. Knowing me, I adore that book. If you enjoy it as well, it's actually the second in a series. The first one, though still wildly entertaining, is a bit more dry and factual.