Rain. Began as a thunderstorm, now is steady gentle rain. Wet dusk green of thick forest leaves becoming evening shadows sheathed in watersound.
I have a crush. I have stopped resisting. I knew it was coming on; i cautioned myself against it. Last night i dreamed of him. Even in my dream, i told him no, i have someone. Then realized it was a dream. . . tried to let go. . . and woke up.
I have given in. New love is gentle, lifts the soul, refreshes the heart. i have been around the block enough to know there is a difference between dreaming and doing. I know where my choices are. And so i open my heart to the new love, the love of a friend, the love that rekindles my candle, a brightness which shines through me onto my life, my work, my friends, my lover. A light that makes me brighter, and the person who lit it this time, as usual, probably does not even know.
I feel gentle, and thankful. I feel like i am going to go to a temple. I cried on the phone last night, and told J everything--everything that was horrible about my life in the past couple of days. He was there for me, as he always is, as he always wants to be.
Peace.
I have a crush. I have stopped resisting. I knew it was coming on; i cautioned myself against it. Last night i dreamed of him. Even in my dream, i told him no, i have someone. Then realized it was a dream. . . tried to let go. . . and woke up.
I have given in. New love is gentle, lifts the soul, refreshes the heart. i have been around the block enough to know there is a difference between dreaming and doing. I know where my choices are. And so i open my heart to the new love, the love of a friend, the love that rekindles my candle, a brightness which shines through me onto my life, my work, my friends, my lover. A light that makes me brighter, and the person who lit it this time, as usual, probably does not even know.
I feel gentle, and thankful. I feel like i am going to go to a temple. I cried on the phone last night, and told J everything--everything that was horrible about my life in the past couple of days. He was there for me, as he always is, as he always wants to be.
Peace.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Cool on the early birthday gift. Are you the type that saves the present until the actual birthday, or is that sucker open the moment you receive it?
Crushes can be great, though in your situation can spin you around. Who am I kidding, they spin everyone around - that's part of the whole crush thing. Sorry to hear you were in tears and everything, but from what you write it sounds like you're pretty aware of things and not getting lost or anything... hopefully J is as understanding and cool as I suspect he is, and rather that this being a source of inner turmoil it can be a source of random smiles and bonus happiness and all that (there's usually a shortage of both those things in the world)... you can probably bet that the person in question has an idea.
hey, there's a really good theme song for crushes on the first coldplay album... it's one of my favorite tunes, too... called Shiver.