today's attraction: bitter hate rant.
I have stopped understanding what is the point. Again. I also am not able to believe right now that life will ever get better--why should i believe that i will ever live without being broke and in debt (i am not even referring to student loans or mortgage type debt-i mean missed payments, way-behind-schedule debt), that i will ever not be about to look for a job or a place to live or both? That my life will ever be right--like have a career job and a stable income and a place to live for a decent amount of time. I have no evidence thus far to think it is likely; i have lived now for 27 years and 100% of it has been fucked up. I am angry at my father for being absent and my mother for being unstable. i am pissed at the people around here who don't even know what they have. I hate them, and it's mostly because they think their fucking lives are normal, are the way it should just naturally be. I would LOVE to see one of these narrow sheltered brats thrown into my life all of a sudden, just land somewhere with no cash, no job, and no place to live. They would freak out and i would relish it so much. I want to kick them. They have no fucking clue what it is like to try to put yourself through school, to have to worry about what is going to happen to you next month so that you can't concentrate on getting your schoolwork done, to work while in school not even making enough money to pay for school, just barely to survive, and to have to listen to their fucking asses saying how their dad just bought them a new car. I get cash for christmas, and it goes to bills, and i am grateful for every penny.
Half of me thinks i should skip this party on saturday because i really, really need to do all this damn schoolwork--i was planning to do drugs and that is never known to encourage a productive weekend--and half of me thinks it is the only thing that will keep me sane through the remainder of this semester.
your votes?
I have stopped understanding what is the point. Again. I also am not able to believe right now that life will ever get better--why should i believe that i will ever live without being broke and in debt (i am not even referring to student loans or mortgage type debt-i mean missed payments, way-behind-schedule debt), that i will ever not be about to look for a job or a place to live or both? That my life will ever be right--like have a career job and a stable income and a place to live for a decent amount of time. I have no evidence thus far to think it is likely; i have lived now for 27 years and 100% of it has been fucked up. I am angry at my father for being absent and my mother for being unstable. i am pissed at the people around here who don't even know what they have. I hate them, and it's mostly because they think their fucking lives are normal, are the way it should just naturally be. I would LOVE to see one of these narrow sheltered brats thrown into my life all of a sudden, just land somewhere with no cash, no job, and no place to live. They would freak out and i would relish it so much. I want to kick them. They have no fucking clue what it is like to try to put yourself through school, to have to worry about what is going to happen to you next month so that you can't concentrate on getting your schoolwork done, to work while in school not even making enough money to pay for school, just barely to survive, and to have to listen to their fucking asses saying how their dad just bought them a new car. I get cash for christmas, and it goes to bills, and i am grateful for every penny.
Half of me thinks i should skip this party on saturday because i really, really need to do all this damn schoolwork--i was planning to do drugs and that is never known to encourage a productive weekend--and half of me thinks it is the only thing that will keep me sane through the remainder of this semester.
your votes?
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
hmmm... attracted to the hate, interesting concept.
well, i'm always one to vote in favor of a party, but if you've got deadlines crunching then it's almost mandatory attendance. would you be fooling anyone to think otherwise? just take it easy on whatever you partake in, and of course don't forget a diner or having something to eat before you go to sleep so you can recuperate from whatever deviltry you get up to.
and while i do sympathize with where you've been (i have a bit of a fucked up past myself), don't let it make you bitter. in the end you're probably better prepared for the various bumps and shocks life will throw at you (and you know it will), but don't begrudge someone because they didn't have to endure. trust me, i felt that way for a long time too, and it doesn't do anything but make you feel bad about people. and relax... you'll get around the curve, money-wise. may not be until your 30's, but you'll pull it off. and it will be a very sweet victory...
your occupation should also include wicked. you know why.
sleep