This week @missy and @rambo asked us to talk about how we chose our name for SuicideGirls.
I have a short answer I tend to give people when they ask about this: "I like spiders and Greek mythology. "Arachne" is the goddess of weaving who is often depicted with spiders but that was taken, so I stuck an 'i' in there and here we are."
And that IS true, but there's a bit more to it, and I think this blog is the perfect way to explore that.
I actually took longer than I should've to complete my application because I just couldn't choose on a name. I've always lived out my social life online and I've had a lot of online monikers, so I started with variations of those, but honestly they didn't 'feel' right - not 'model-y' enough, or not a good enough representation of myself.
I typed in "Ariadne," part of the "Chloe Ariadne" I identify myself as on most parts of the internet [and off the internet] and the variation I'd chosen of it was available.
And then I let it sit there and stared at it for a couple of days.
Something felt intrinsically wrong about using a name I use everywhere else. And honestly I hadn't even thought about it all that much until now. That said, I've always admired women who use their "everywhere" names as their SG names - there's something very bold and confident and sexy about it. And honestly, if I signed up today, as a woman who is far more proud and confident and sure of herself than I was three years ago, I probably WOULD be "ChloeAriadne Suicide."
But let's face it - I wouldn't be this confident version of myself if it wasn't for SG, either. So... maybe not.
In the end I guess my need for "Arachnie" came out of my need for a safe midway point. It's still 'me' enough - but it's also distanced enough from my real name that it gave me that extra bit of freedom to be loud and erotic and confident. Not an alter-ego; more like when they build a new expansion on an old shopping centre. Somewhere new [but still safe and close to home] to grow and thrive.
The image above is a preview for a set that shows perfectly how far I've come - I shot it at three months post-partum with @frankndame having lost none of the weight - with my dark breastfeeding nipples, extra cellulite, fresh stretch marks and linea nigra - and we plan on submitting it with ZERO retouching of my body - a "fuck you" to anyone who says new mothers can't be sexy AF and something I hope other women see and understand that their "imperfect" bodies are to be celebrated. Am I nervous about it? Fucking oath. But @arachnie is all about breaking down the walls of my comfort zone, and that's what this is.
