So I kind of fucked up my wonderful relationship.
It probably started a few months ago, with things that I didn't realize I was doing. He kept his feelings in and let them build and then he stopped trusting me about a month ago and today decided to go through my e-mail.
Of course I had sent a hood piercing picture to a guy I've known for like 10 years, because he and I had talked about it and so I sent him a pic to see. Nothing more. That did it. Because I didn't ask my bf if I could send it. I didn't ask because it's my body. I didn't send him pictures of me masturbating or full pictures of me naked and there was more context than "here's my vag." I no longer have the hood piercing and I didn't show him my vag in person. But apparently that was the topper to the "laundry list" of things I do wrong.
Not that I would know what else I've done wrong because he doesn't tell me. One thing is that I talk down to him and berate him. I don't mean to. I don't realize I do. A few times I get frustrated with something but I apologize when I realize I've snapped at him. I've tried so hard not to.
Most of you know who my bf is and I like to think that you know what kind of person I am. Anything I do is not because I don't love him or because I want someone else. It's because I'm independent and even in a relationship there are things that I still want to be able to do. We met here. I have nudes. I like people telling me I have a wonderful vagina or great tits or I'm hot. These past few months he hasn't. I've felt like he doesn't see me as sexy or attractive anymore. My self-esteem has fallen so low that I don't care about trying to lose weight anymore. That's partly why I rejoined SG. Because I can get compliments! When I was a member I felt amazing about myself! I feel like he's too used to me being naked that now it's just "eh" and not "wow you're naked, let me touch you as much as I can."
I don't want to lose him. He's the love of my life. I talk about him to everyone. I see us with a future. It's just so hard when our communication has gone down the toilet. We haven't really talked. I mean seriously talked. We both feel so distant from one another.
I want to fix this. I don't know what I'd do without him. My heart hurts so much because of this. We need to talk and I know it will take time to be where we were before, but I just don't want to lose him.
It probably started a few months ago, with things that I didn't realize I was doing. He kept his feelings in and let them build and then he stopped trusting me about a month ago and today decided to go through my e-mail.
Of course I had sent a hood piercing picture to a guy I've known for like 10 years, because he and I had talked about it and so I sent him a pic to see. Nothing more. That did it. Because I didn't ask my bf if I could send it. I didn't ask because it's my body. I didn't send him pictures of me masturbating or full pictures of me naked and there was more context than "here's my vag." I no longer have the hood piercing and I didn't show him my vag in person. But apparently that was the topper to the "laundry list" of things I do wrong.
Not that I would know what else I've done wrong because he doesn't tell me. One thing is that I talk down to him and berate him. I don't mean to. I don't realize I do. A few times I get frustrated with something but I apologize when I realize I've snapped at him. I've tried so hard not to.
Most of you know who my bf is and I like to think that you know what kind of person I am. Anything I do is not because I don't love him or because I want someone else. It's because I'm independent and even in a relationship there are things that I still want to be able to do. We met here. I have nudes. I like people telling me I have a wonderful vagina or great tits or I'm hot. These past few months he hasn't. I've felt like he doesn't see me as sexy or attractive anymore. My self-esteem has fallen so low that I don't care about trying to lose weight anymore. That's partly why I rejoined SG. Because I can get compliments! When I was a member I felt amazing about myself! I feel like he's too used to me being naked that now it's just "eh" and not "wow you're naked, let me touch you as much as I can."
I don't want to lose him. He's the love of my life. I talk about him to everyone. I see us with a future. It's just so hard when our communication has gone down the toilet. We haven't really talked. I mean seriously talked. We both feel so distant from one another.
I want to fix this. I don't know what I'd do without him. My heart hurts so much because of this. We need to talk and I know it will take time to be where we were before, but I just don't want to lose him.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
dpgc44:
April 
skwhale:
glad your back <3....as far as the boy goes i would say tray and patch things up if you really feel like you're head over heels for the guy. A lot of times if someones not acting to sexually attracted to you it could be because of all the issues you're both having in the emotional relationship side of things. I do the EXACT same thing to my fiance, snap at him and realize how bitchy i was being and see the hurt expression on his face and then quickly apologize..realize it's just my stress and that i snap at him because i know he loves me and will forgive me (that's a common thing i've learned through psych classes) you should figure out what makes you snappy and try to relieve that internal tension!