apostrophenow

"The Blown Capillary Blues"


I'm told that top-shelf liqour isn't supposed to give you quite as bad a hangover as the cheap stuff.

I was probably drunk when I heard that. So it could have been an auditory hallucination, that happens sometimes. I have a long and storied history of drunken awkward moments and accompanying auditory hallucinations. If I had a dime for every time I was alone with a girl and I thought she muttered indiscreetly "Eat... Me..." I might have enough coin to afford going back to group therapy.

Group therapy was fun, and strange smelling (I think psychic stress gives off an odor not unlike burning ozone). In my case, the group therapy was court-ordered. And paid for by the city. It's a rare thing indeed when the city gives you a helping hand. Anyway, it was fun because hearing other folks' tales of misadventure was endlessly entertaining to me. I was probably working against myself and defeating the purpose of group therapy by smoking weed before attending each meeting, but y'know what? I'm for whatever gets you through the night, or group therapy.

I woke up this morning hungover. I drank a glass of water and threw up.
It was macaroni and cheese, which was a little surprising. Because I finished the mac and cheese portion of my dinner first last night. Theoretically, it should've been the last thing to come up. Vomit magic perplexes me. Furthermore, it tasted much the same coming up as it did going down. It would have been delicious, if only the toilet seat hadn't flipped down and pinned my head inside the toilet bowl.

I infer from this incident that top-shelf mac and cheese maintains it's integrity many hours after being consumed.