apostrophenow

I went to visit my cousin who's in the hospital with some kind of severe despeptic ulcer.

He has a deviated septum that effects his speech when he's laying on his back. So that, combined with whatever painkiller they're feeding him for the ulcer, makes for a wacky speech impediment. I made him some puna-butter brownies, I figured hey, the hospital is the ideal place to get high. I speak from experience. Nah, he didn't want any. I wasn't gonna twist his arm, so I ate most of them. And then I found an oxygen mask and hooked myself up. Man, I love oxygen.

A volunteer stopped by and asked if we needed anything, for some reason she left a stack of kid's board games with us. So we ended up playing Battleship. When the brownies kicked in, I started spacing out. So very shortly, my cousin and I were having trouble understanding each other's words. I thought it was hilarious, but he seemed to become very annoyed with me. Some people just don't know how to go with the flow.

I talked my cousin into going to look at the babies in the Maternity ward. We went for a walk. As it turns out, there is no room full of babies with a big window to peak at them. So I talked my cousin into going with me to look for the morgue. I could've talked my way in, but my cousin's IV rolling around behind us wherever we went sort of made us stand out in the restricted areas.

So then I thought it might be fun to visit the sleep resaerch lab. It's a section of the hospital where they wire people who can't sleep to machines that analyze their brain waves. I'm an insomniac, so I thought I'd ask them what the hell's wrong with me. It took us a while to find it and when we got there the receptionist said no one was on staff that day. Damn. "But I'm a sick man" I tried to tell her. She just laughed at me.

We walked back to my cousin's hospital room. Apparently he was succumbing to the onset of explosive diarrhia. After a few seconds of him grunting in the bathroom, I decided it would be a good time to take my leave. I asked him if he wanted to keep the rest of the brownies. "NOOO!" So I brought them home with me.

I used to hate the hospital. But after spending a year of my life in and out of hospitals fighting cancer and other health problems, my philosophy is:
Take whatever brownies are offered you.