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apostrophenow

Phoenix

Member Since 2004

Followers 42 Following 52

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Thursday Sep 14, 2006

Sep 13, 2006
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I see you found your way to my little corner of SG again...

You're either bored or you have a fascination with turning rocks over to see what crawls out, either way I'm happy to be your host. It's one of the few things I actually still care about, being a good host.

Amusing you is difficult; and as the hour is regrettably getting later and later, I find it easier to speak frankly about what haunts my mind. Lurk with me.

I think a lot about the 5 days I spent in a coma last December.

I'm here to tell you, there's nothing scary about the Void. Oh yes, it is dark, and you're completely self aware while you're there. But there's nothing else in there. Just you... I guess if you float long enough you might find the edge of the pool and manage to climb out and make your way to the open bar. One can only speculate about what happens "after".

Maybe I have a slight edge over the average fool by having taken so many psychedelics in my younger days. The typical druggie doesn't intend to destroy his or her own ego. But I blundered into it. Does the end justify the means? I don't know. Where massive drug use is concerned, probably not. Nevertheless, I sort of reverse-engineered my own psyche to see what it was made of and It took a long time to put back together. There were some parts left over.

The deep introspection that accompanies the Void was familiar to me right away. I think if you understand Zen, then you will understand the Void. If you're afraid of dying... the Void will scare the shit out of you. For me... the scariest part was waking up. And seeing the medical bills. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Life is scarier than death. People have a hard time with it when I say this. Maybe this is the ego resisitng its' immanent destruction. Maybe the ego is what keeps some souls bound to this plane after the body dies?

Animals don't chase their own tails for fun.















VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
jonnytrrrash7:
your corner of SG is always entertaining and thought provoking, good sir!

my mind is turned inside out as well.
Sep 14, 2006
thatwhichisnot:
Mmmmmmm, lurking is even better than watermelon. I hear you on the reverse engineering of the mind, but I explicitly threw many pieces away and replaced them with new ones I made out of chewing gum, bits of aluminum cans, a rubber ducky, a half empty fifth of Jameson, some mixed nuts, and a fiew marbles. I'm sort of wierd now, as you've probably noticed. I guess I was sort of wierd before. I obviously haven't seen the void as closely as you have. I've stood at the edge and peered in, but I realized that I'm going swimming out there someday whether I like it or not. No need to hurry. May I ask you from whence the coma came?

P.s.
I do believe that sometimes animals chase their tales purely for fun.
P.p.s
I absolutely love underslept people. Thank you for your insomniac posting.
Sep 18, 2006

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