apontes29

well then............havent updated in a day or two cause alot of stuff has been happening............and its 6 in the morning right now and i am going to bed so i wont be commenting on anything right now..........i did get my car registered though....whoohoo!.........and i have a friend on SG now.......cool cool.
off to bed then......

sigh..........
i need a life. or a job. or somebody to blame.... instead i again sit facing the monitor drinking a can of dr pepper......

i went to my brothers high school graduation tonight.....i dont like ceremonies much.......there are too many happy people there....i guess i dont like happy people, probably because im not happy.... i didnt even goto my graduation.......and of course, being surrounded...
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here i am again. online and alone. aloss and adrift.... quite the dramatic huh?

whatever....

i think i have somehow been able to put off the crash i thought i was going to have.....i know i will be down and depressed again in the futer...cant fight that fact... but for now im kind of hovering above the pit i have been in so many times...
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holy crap.........
i just awoke from sleeping about 16 hours.... i guess i was abit sleep deprived. of course this means that i will now be awake untill tuesday night... the joys of living........ im trying not to be depressed... the sleep thing helped me abit i think. now im motivated to clean my room and do some laundry... and try not to think too...
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"i'm losing ground
you know how this world can beat you down
and i'm made of clay
i fear i'm the only one who thinks this way

i'm always falling down the same hill
bamboo puncturing this skin
and nothing comes bleeding out of me just like a waterfall i'm drowning in
2 feet below the surface i can still make out your wavy face...
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..............talked to my sister for an hour today...that was about the highlight of my day i think. she is going to germany for three years in december. im a tad bit jealous...but definately happy for her....its funny all the guy problems she has.... worked out insanely again...trying to one day go spec forces in the air force and barring that, the army.... its amazing how...
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......borring day gone. worked out for a couple of hours. went hiking for about 3 miles.... i feel sore and dead.... talked to somebody on AIM and then they dissapared without saying bye... oh well.... hopefully i get paid tomorrow because i have some bills that need to be taken care of soon....ah, the joys of life....

well.........its late at night, or early in the morning.......and i cant sleep....damn insomnia.....i can stay awake for 30 hours and then crash for 12 and i cant seem to change my sleep pattern at all. what a joy..... did pretty much nothing today....played KOTOR on the xbox for awhile and worked out for a couple of hours. went on a short two mile bike ride....my...
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damn did i get drunk last night......
i dont even remember turning the computer off or walking the 4 feet to my futon..... but i must of for i awoke at about 4 am lying tangled in the blankets......

i stil cant believe yesterday. and i think everyone around me is getting sick of me talking about my "problems"....

im getting sick of it too.......
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why is god intent on making me wish i was dead?....

not that i believe in god...its just great to blame something for all the shit in my world.

ive been trying to forget about the woman i love..........ive been trying to pretend she never existed. and she fucking emails me today like she never ripped my heart out and shot it with a shotgun...
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another day gone no?........never to be lived again. i spent the night watching videos off the internet of stupid funny things. good times, good times. i'm trying to forget the world exists. i'm trying to pretend i was created today and there was no yesterday. but i dont know if i'm having much luck. getting out of bed is hard....going to sleep is even harder....
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hey online world........
so i found this place and thought it was amazing. signed right up i did....

i've been keeping a journal of sorts the past couple of months....... life has been pretty screwed up. although i always end up asking myself why am i writing down memories that i would soon rather forget. its not like i will go back and read the...
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