aponia

I'm home again. Waiting for the boy to get home from checking in on work. Then back to NJ.

My mom's doctor wants her to meet with one last suregon from UPenn. If anyone can operate and remove her tumor and could patch her up, it would be him. Their biggest concern is the fact that she's really weak. There's a very good possibility that she would not survive the surgery. If the surgery can't be done, then all they can give her is how much time they think she has left.
I found this all out by calling my dad this morning. He thanked me for spending so much time with her. I just think there's nothing more important then loved ones, and if it means putting my own life on hold for a little while, then so be it. My mom is my focus right now.

I hate the waiting. I hate not knowing whats going on, or how long we have, or how much her cancer has spread. We're just kept in the dark most of the time. So I'm looking at my mom, not knowing if i have two days or two weeks left with her. I know its terminal, because the term "quality of life" is being thrown around, but I just wish I had more of a calendar. Every night I go home I get a lump in my throat. I live in fear of my cellphone.

Again...every comment, every word, is more strength. I honestly can't even describe what it all means to me. I would not have he strength to deal with all of this without all of you. Whenever I want to cry and hide at home I read my comments and I realize no matter how much I want to run away I can't...its a hard thing to face, but I know its the right thing to do. I have love and support behind me.

I need to go get ready for the drive home. I love you all.