aponia

I had a crying fest with my mom this morning.
I called her, she's not mad at me, she appreciates my daily phone calls, and we both cried and cried. Mind you, i'm sitting at my desk at work while all of this was going on.

My dad is picking on her. I could just punch him in the face sometimes. He has no right to yell at her and call her selfish. No one would choose this life for themselves. Sometimes I want to throw away my life here, move home and take care of her myself. I hate knowing she's so miserable and there's not alot I can do.

So i'm still a weepy mess. I can't stop crying. Everything is setting me off. My eyes and cheeks are getting all red and puffy from the constant onslaught. I can't help it. It feels like everything I've been keeping bottled up is just coming out at once. I'm scared for my mom, i'm scared for me, I'm scared of the future. Its like I'm just getting slammed into reality. And all of my petty work shit isn't worth it.

She's currently not on chemo or radiation. They've taken her off of everything for the time being. Her hair is falling out and she can only eat Jello and broth. If her cancer is so aggressive I don't understand why they're not doing anything.

I just need to get all of these thoughts out of my head, all of these words out of my system.

I can't say enough how much all of your comments mean to me. When everything is very dark and very scary I know I have support and i love you all for that.

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My eyes are welled up with tears. I'm honestly touched by the outpouring of support. I can't help but cry. I've kept all my emotion in all day, to keep up the appearance of calm. But, I can't even say enough. I'm touched. I have nothing but love for all of you.