apathy

This may be a long one....

Apathy is back in civilization now but her heart was left under all those poplar trees...
It had been too long since i felt the hardness of the pavement and seeing so much apathy in the eyes of the crowd.
My light sank deeper and deeper the more the kilometers rolled past me on that horrible bus ride home. By the time i was at the bus station i was sick.

But... i havent forgotten my happiness. I try to remember all the strong people i met and all the things they taught me.... i thought i could never be rebuilt in that way.
I look and feel healthy. Gained 15 pounds... but thats all muscle baby. I can say *the beach is that way* and mean it. Ive never had a tan like i do now. It was like rehab without the smell. Like fatcamp without the diet. ha.

I read this 18th century Women's book about aesthetics and etiquette and such, and apparently women with fair skin were to be regarded as more beautiful, because it meant you did not do hard labour for a living and were a more prominent figure in society.
Well then. Dirty little working girl i shall remain.

Strange things are happening with the weather lately. Since when does northern ontario get tornados? Standing face to face with a green sky, funnel clouds threatening you, trees being snapped by lightening. Nothing to do but watch with eyes that have never seen such power. This photo was taken just moments before i started running, then realized, there was nowhere to run.


This photo was taken at the abandoned military base that we camped near, cant see too well, but you get the feel...


This photo (of the camp cook and crew friends) was at our first campsite,,,, imagine bathing in a waterfall everyday. Beautiful.


The end of a workday....


How i miss the beautiful life,

Im working on sounds. Imitating things i think of. Like CheeseGraters in Blenders. Pigeon dogs through metal ribbed tubes.
i try and i try and i try

Also, two souls and I conjured up the daemons using a blender, a banana, an apple and gutteral chants. Serious. Ha. Shit went haywire i cant explain it.

I hate being surrounded by 4 walls. It suppresses my urges to yell and sing and jump.

I bought Damian Marley's music... hes fucking beautiful isnt he.. we listened to his voice in the morning before a workday...

"If your brother weak, then you must help him if youre strong
Love him for the right, and do not judge him for the wrong
If your sister lost then you must help her find her way
She might just be the one to have to help you out some day
United we will stand up or divided we will fall
Love your one another... For the Father loves us all
Keep on concentrating on the brighter side of life
Dont let them get you down
Cause I... I know were gonna make it
Its not too late, sister love, Were gonna make it.
We will always share
Nuh care how meager the meal
Always speak the truth
Nuh care how ego wi feel
I and i a root nuh care weh people believe
Dont you ever give up
Dont you ever give in...."

"For the new generation rising up
Of youths now a days weh dem sighting u p
And through reasoning dem biding up
Searching for the sign and the sign is us
Searching for the truth all you find is us
Searching for the troopsstill behind its us
The almighty we recruit and we come from the root
We build like roach killing boot
We just cant done
Rastafari design we tuff
If a the fight for freedom, sign me up
Cause you Tell- Lie- Vision cant blind me up
Soldiers and police dem wising up
Realizing theyre no more right than us
Realizing theres no use fighting us
Realizing their opening their eyes to see the same demoralizing life as us..."



Stay strong....