I suppose I am never going to meet someone who psychically knows when I need to be called or hugged or kissed. I will probably have to get over some lingering fears and doubts in myself and just fucking do things.
One of the kids that I work with yesterday--who is 19, and occasionally annoys me senseless, but mostly is a good kids--commented that I should get over it because if I go for anything, I can get it.
I want to be one of those people who grew up never hearing the word "no," or feeling like I couldn't have what I wanted. It has obviously gotten to be pathological with me. I figure I can't have anything I want, so I don't bother trying. Or the first time things don't go exactly my way, I freak out and give up.
When I was getting my back tattoo, I had a few quotes that I wanted to choose from. One of them was "Fear is the original sin," which is actually from an L.M. Montgomery (you know, Anne of Green Gables, etc.) book. I constantly need that reminder. I have almost unshakable confidence in a few things about myself, but everything else, I am terribly insecure about. I wonder if I only imagine that I'm pretty, smart, interesting, talented, blahblahblah. (This is not a call for all of you to reaffirm that I am any of the above. You don't need to and I don't want you to.) But mostly, I'm scared of things. Quite often, that doesn't stop me from doing them. But there are enough times that my inane fears have stopped me from going for things, and that has got to stop.
I am writing all this because basically, the boy told me I'm nuts. Not like, "You're a crazy bitch, Sarah, and I never want to talk to you again," but just, "why on earth would you think I don't like you because I didn't call you yesterday?"
And honestly, why would I? I didn't call him and he still seems to think I like him.
So: the realization that my issues have gotten bigger than the situations. Because I don't want to spend the rest of my life locked in a little room somewhere never talking to anyone and just twiddling on the internet, I need to do something about this.
So what I DO want from you people: not reassurances that I don't suck. Deep down I know that I don't. I want you to tell me the ways you make yourself feel better. The tricks you use to perk up your self-confidence.
I had a chat with one of my confidence boosters last night and he made me feel better. But even that involves another person.
One of the kids that I work with yesterday--who is 19, and occasionally annoys me senseless, but mostly is a good kids--commented that I should get over it because if I go for anything, I can get it.
I want to be one of those people who grew up never hearing the word "no," or feeling like I couldn't have what I wanted. It has obviously gotten to be pathological with me. I figure I can't have anything I want, so I don't bother trying. Or the first time things don't go exactly my way, I freak out and give up.
When I was getting my back tattoo, I had a few quotes that I wanted to choose from. One of them was "Fear is the original sin," which is actually from an L.M. Montgomery (you know, Anne of Green Gables, etc.) book. I constantly need that reminder. I have almost unshakable confidence in a few things about myself, but everything else, I am terribly insecure about. I wonder if I only imagine that I'm pretty, smart, interesting, talented, blahblahblah. (This is not a call for all of you to reaffirm that I am any of the above. You don't need to and I don't want you to.) But mostly, I'm scared of things. Quite often, that doesn't stop me from doing them. But there are enough times that my inane fears have stopped me from going for things, and that has got to stop.
I am writing all this because basically, the boy told me I'm nuts. Not like, "You're a crazy bitch, Sarah, and I never want to talk to you again," but just, "why on earth would you think I don't like you because I didn't call you yesterday?"
And honestly, why would I? I didn't call him and he still seems to think I like him.
So: the realization that my issues have gotten bigger than the situations. Because I don't want to spend the rest of my life locked in a little room somewhere never talking to anyone and just twiddling on the internet, I need to do something about this.
So what I DO want from you people: not reassurances that I don't suck. Deep down I know that I don't. I want you to tell me the ways you make yourself feel better. The tricks you use to perk up your self-confidence.
I had a chat with one of my confidence boosters last night and he made me feel better. But even that involves another person.
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now i don't know you very well, but (i know you said not to do this but i'm skirting it anyway) i don't think that you necessarily have any overwhelming faults. this is just my personal way of coping with the fact that i just ain't perfect.
i hope this helps. if not, well, it just goes that much further in proving that i don't have any idea what the hell i'm talking about.