anyanka_____

It's over. I broke up with L on Friday night. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I know in my heart, in my gut I did the right thing for me. It just sucks when the right thing is to hurt another person so much. At first he was angry, so I left and went to my parents house for the night. I was planning on staying there for a few days to give the two of us some space. Then just as I was going to get in the shower L called me all depressed and asked if I minded talking because he was lonely and no one else would answer their phones or instant messages he sent. His family is about to move to Boston in a week, so between them leaving, his friends all being so distant and then me leaving him. I feel for him. I mean, that really is a lonely place to be in. I'd be pretty damn confused and depressed emotionally too. I just wish there was some way I could make this all a bit easier on him. I mean, he's not even all that angry now, just depressed. I feel partially responsible for that. I told him I don't want him to feel like I'm totally trashing him from my life, because he's a good guy. So hopefully we can still be friends. I guess time will tell on that one. For now though, I know I did the right thing for me. After things with Dave ended( my ex-fiance) I never really gave myself proper time to get over that and learn how to just be my own whole person. I went right into being someone else's girlfriend, which was fun for a while. I don't regret the relationship, because I got alot out of it, but now it's time I just be alone and be meg, whatever that means. In a few months, we will see, maybe I will feel better about things, about me. I just want to try to do better in school this coming semester and graduate well from school. I think I can do that better if I only have my own worries to deal with. I'm actually kind of excited in a way, like I'm turning a new page in my life. I guess we will see how it all goes.
I've been listening to "Death Cab for Cutie- Plans" alot lately, it's amazing how someone else's words can cover so many emotions one is feeling on a single album. It's a great break up album, it's really beatifully honest and bittersweet. Thank God for good music!