antisquid

The source of my username is a long story that has surprisingly little to do with actual squid. An injoke that nobody here knows. So instead of explaining it to you, I am going to pretend I actually hate squid and present reasons why you, a member of the SG community, ought to be an anti-squid person yourself.

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Antisquid Mantra #1

No matter if it's a cuttlefish, all species of squid inherently look like swimming penises with large saucepan eyes. Now, I know what you're thinking, a penis is natural, not ugly. What's wrong with a swimming penis? Many things, my friend. Aside from the obvious "sneaky molestation" that would occur if one swam past you, there are those eyes. Huge, disproportionate eyes that never blink or fretfully raise an eyebrow as if to say "sorry I'm a swimming penis, man!". And of course, the tentacles, those severed, flailing vas deferens from hell. Reaching out for you as if you performed the cruel, black magic vasectomy that turned them into nightmarish weapons.
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There. That was fun. Now for black beans & rice, the perfect vegetarian dinner!

AS