antirock

so a month or so ago katie tried to make me a cd that was full of songs that made her think of me. when she tried to burn it the burn fucked up and the cd wouldn't play for some reason. i tacked the useless cd to my wall b/c it had a track list and some lyrics written on it, plus it reminded me of her efforts.

just earlier tonight i decided to download all the tracks and make a playable version of the whole album. i don't have the whole thing yet. there are 14 songs and i'm still missing 5, i don't even know what 2 of them are because the titles don't even seem familiar.
listening to what i do have of it i learned that apparently music can bring me to tears. it's sick how fast i got mega depressed when i put it into my playlist.


i thought when i pushed katie away that it would make it easier for both of us to live emotionally stable lives. i figured some time apart would be healthy for both of us. unfortunately, a week later, i find that it feels like everyday i go without seeing her gets a little harder instead of easier. i still can't sleep at all, i've been cutting class to try to sleep and feel better but i wake up out of breath and not breathing about every 20-30 minutes. i feel sick all the time. every single day i've had some odd, horrible stomach pains that i can't even describe properly.
despite feeling horrible and thinking about her every minute i've kept in relatively high spirits. i've tried not to live like i am as depressed as i really am. if you asked my friends (especially tara) they'd probably say that i don't seem that down. my only noticable changes have been my horrid apprearance and ridiculous eating binges (i.e. i eat every 4 seconds).

on the plus side i've leveled up my characters in return to arms and finished 2 books.

i really hope that going back to the ville affects some change in my mood, but i'm not overly optimistic. ralph always makes me feel better, but i know that now even gainesville will remind me of katie.
here's to spring break broke. maybe if i'm lucky i'll suffocate in my sleep, if not at least i can always jump out of my window. thank god for living on the 3rd floor.
somebody kill me (but not really).

i know i've been all but invisible lately, but that's just cause i've been playing games and apathetic about everything, including naked women.
i really hate being emotional. there's nothing that pisses off men like not being able to control how they feel, and right now i'm like a 90 year old man buying depends. no control.

i guess all this also means i'm again taking apps for whichever girl wants to dance all over my heart next. it's a hot ticket so you all had better get on it while i'm still sober.
[chipmunk]